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mayor is suing a newspaper
over an April Fools' Day report saying aliens were nearby. He almost
evacuated the town's 13,000 frightened residents. I totally disagree
with the mayor. He should tell his people to act like
Americans - you don't see us overreacting just because a few million
illegal aliens arrive each year.
In a bid to help the millions of children starving in the world, councils across Britain will begin to introduce a new food waste recycling scheme.
Many homes across the UK currently put their food recycling into biodegradable bags that are sent to be turned into compost, however new bags are to be issued to all homes which will contain a preservative. The idea is that the full bags will be sent to Africa to be distributed amongst families who are affected by famine. The UK government announced that this plan will save the UK over £200 million in foreign aid and give children in the third world nutritious food, rather than dirty water and rice.
The plans have broad support throughout all the political parties. Ed Milliband, leader of the Labour Party said, “It’s a great move by David Cameron. I’ve waited for years to agree on something and this plan is just fantastic. Saving the country loads of money and at the same time we are saving the lives of poor children in Uganda. All those chicken bones and apple cores would have just gone to waste, instead Africans can now make a delicious soup for their children. Mrs Ed has been busy setting up a website with some soup recipes for them to try. Personally I like the sound of ‘Used Tea-Bag and Banana Peel Soup’.”
The king of the pretentious and talented, Irish singer Bono, explained his doubts, “This all sounds fancy, but what is the food going to be like when it gets there? I expect people would rather starve than eat ‘cold gravy-covered grape stalks’. This government is just foolish. Why don’t they give me the £200 million and I’ll help the Africans to eat properly? The British public would rather trust me, I know this because everyone loves me, it’s obvious. Everyone wishes they were me, even Ethiopians.”
Adrian Thomas, Head of PR at the British Red Cross, told The Daily Skid, “The only problem that we see is that of fussy eaters. We have found that people in the third world can be a little fussy at times with their demands. We give them boiled rice and they want fried rice or rice pudding. We give them fresh water and they ask for Volvic. We give them sugar and they ask for coffee and milk to go with it, in fact sometimes they ask if we have sweeteners instead. Apart from that, it is a great way to make use of food that would otherwise be binned. We will do our best to help the government make a success of this plan.”
We are told that this new scheme will be rolled out across the UK from the beginning of April. You will receive a new roll of preservative bags to replace the biodegradable ones shortly. The government asks that you don’t send food to Africa in a biodegradable bag as it may loose some its overall flavour.