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The Red Sox agreed to terms with Brad Penny. He would have signed with the Yankees, but they said his name indicates that he's nine million dollars and ninety nine cents below their pay grade.
David Ortiz says players who test positive for steroids should be suspended from baseball for the whole season. Ortiz is confident saying that, since his drug of choice is gravy.
Former Boston infielder Lou Merloni recently told reporters that the Red Sox taught players how to use steroids. Judging by his 14 career home runs, Merloni must have a learning disability.
Boston Red Sox hurler Daisuke Matsuzaka allowed five runs in the first inning of a rehab start. That's the worst rehab start since Amy Winehouse.
David Ortiz said he wound up on the list of drug users as a result of over-the-counter vitamins. And because of Dunkin Donuts' new HGH crullers.
Ted Williams' remains were apparently mistreated by a company that was supposed to freeze and preserve the former Red Sox slugger. This is in direct defiance of the Hall of Famer's instructions: "Cut off my head, put it in the freezer, and then continue to treat it with the utmost of respect!"
"Become the Funniest Version of Yourself" - comedy coaching by Neil Berliner
Red Sox slugger David Ortiz is in the biggest homerun slump of his career. He's still had plenty of Grand Slams, but only at Denny's.
The Red Sox were overwhelmed by the Tampa Rays at Fenway yet again. Boston is so afraid of the Rays, Paul Revere will warn the city when they return.
The Boston Red Sox agreed to a $5 million contract with Tim Wakefield. The contract spans two years, or one pitch from Tim Wakefield.
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