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Former Boston infielder Lou Merloni recently told reporters that the Red Sox taught players how to use steroids. Judging by his 14 career home runs, Merloni must have a learning disability.
David Ortiz says players who test positive for steroids should be suspended from baseball for the whole season. Ortiz is confident saying that, since his drug of choice is gravy.
David Ortiz said he wound up on the list of drug users as a result of over-the-counter vitamins. And because of Dunkin Donuts' new HGH crullers.
David Ortiz said his batting slump has nothing to do with poor vision. Though he did say it to a wall that he thought was a reporter.