A goodie from our archives
March 31st, 2009
Category: Entertainment

Madonna has been named as the highest earning woman in pop music.   In second place was Elton John.

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Category: Entertainment

pirate bay

The start of the demise of singing in ones head?

Following the recent demise of leading torrent (file sharing) websites, ISO Hunt and Pirate Bay, more stringent copyright laws have been introduced worldwide. The most shocking for Britain is the ban on recording television shows and singing.

Since the dawn of the internet, back in 1959, people have been flouting copyright laws, downloading such massive hits as the 1812 Overture, Jailhouse Rock and P.I.M.P. This has led the music industry to clamp down on this rogue marketplace where the public get artistic material for free. The music, film and printed word industry moguls have got together to bring in new technologies and action plans to put a stop to this practice once and for all. In Britain the TV License enforcement officers will be moved from their current roles into ‘PVR Hard Disk Drive’ removal experts. What this means for the public is that Sky +, Virgin Media Boxes, Freeview Recorders, YouView and the like will have their hard drives (HDD) removed by the new ‘TV License Force’. They will have the power to enter homes and forcefully extract the HDD’s from any PVR found in an abode.

Other consequences of these new plans are as follows;

The public will be unable to sing songs recorded in the past 25 years without paying a 5p royalty to the original artist. This includes singing out loud or in the head.CD’s will be banned. Electronic forms of music such as MP3′s (but not limited to) will be time limited to 7 days. This is thought to give the purchaser enough time to have a listen but will stop illegal sharing.Television Music Channels will be shown, however the sound will be muted.DVD movies will be limited to one hour of content with the remaining part of films to be shown in properly licensed cinemas. All cinemas will have a new technology fitted at the entrance that will look similar to a stores anti-shoplifting barrier. The key difference is that this new tech will cause an electronic surge to effectively fry any recording equipment, mobile phones, pacemakers etc.The British TV License fee will be increased to £1,470 per annum so that only people of a proper standing in the community can afford it. This should stop vagabond’s from continually flouting copyright regulations.

Speaking to a member of the anti-copyright organisation, ‘CopyCat’, we were told, “This is just another step towards total world domination by Elton John and his team of so-called artists. They want to stop us listening to what we want. Now they tell us we can’t sing songs in our heads, they are going to make us wear silly helmets. I can’t believe that Bruce Willis has joined in on this act too, especially as most of his films are only good for the first hour anyway, this doesn’t make any difference to him at all. They don’t know what they are talking about. All I have to say is hashtag naughty.”

A representative of ever popular television channel ‘Dave Ja Vu’ explained the reasoning behind the new rules to NewsBeat, “Something had to be done. With people recording things and copying things, all households got were repeats, repeats, repeats. This is just not good enough and something had to be done. By stopping the poor from getting freebies, we are doing the country and indeed the world a great service. Dave is once again at the forefront of everything.”

NewsBeat asked a group of poor people (sometimes known as a gaggle of pauper’s) what they thought, the foreman informed us, “67% of us agree that this is a bad idea, if we want free music who should stop us. Des O’Conner’s ‘Dick-A-Dum-Dum really needs to be heard by the masses, not everyone can afford the 49p that iTunes charges. Who are they to tell us that we can’t sing Handel’s Messiah, I forget who sung that, but that’s not my point.”

In conclusion, please be aware that by passing copyright laws is a serious offence and that anyone caught will be faced with warning letters or worse still a £8.99 fine.

Category: Sports

Elton John has been asked to be the Patriots' honorary captain during their game against the Buccaneers in Week 7. Apparently Boy George wasn't available.
 

Sports Minute is edited by Steve Hofstetter

Category: Entertainment

Elton John is already having problems with his new baby,

who screamed......................Uranus aint the kind of place 

to raise your kid. 

 

Category: Entertainment

7 out of 10  gerbils agree that Saturday Night with Elton John is better than Do You Really Want to Hurt Me with Boy George

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