Tuesday , 16 January 2018
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Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce

Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce:  Anthony Scaramucci’s wife of three years is reportedly fed up with his ruthless quest to get close to President Trump – whom she reportedly despises – and has filed for divorce from the new White House communications director.  Rumor has it her attorneys are asking that the country be included in the divorce settlement.  Anyway, it might be a good idea for someone to let Ann Coulter know the Mooch is available.  Of course, if everything else fails, his boss can always set him up with a couple of hot Russian hookers.

 

New Drug Approved for Curved Penis Condition:  Men with a condition that causes a curvature of the penis now have a drug treatment option that has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration.  I once knew a guy who had this condition – and, not to anyone’s surprise, the car he drove was a Bentley.

 

Trump Once Summoned Priebus and Ordered Him to Kill a Fly:  The Washington Post is reporting that President Trump once summoned Chief of Staff Reince Priebus to his office and ordered him to kill a fly that was buzzing around the room.  Those present say the situation turned into conflict when Reince immediately started swatting Kellyanne with a flyswatter.

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The post Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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Trump Lawyer Arranged $130K Hush Money to Keep Porn Star Quiet

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Daniels-and-Trump... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Daniels-and-Trump... 808w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Trump Lawyer Arranged $130K Hush Money to Keep Porn Star Quiet:  The Wall Street Journal is reporting that a lawyer for Donald Trump arranged a $130,000 payment to former porn star Stormy Daniels one month before the 2016 election in an effort to keep her silent about an alleged sexual encounter with the future President.

 

Gee, who could’ve ever imagined a day when a report about the President of the United States paying out $130,000 in hush money to a hooker would only be the 3rd most embarrassing story about him that day?  Hell, its getting to the point where even Charlie Sheen has more moral authority than this guy – winning!  Of course, I’m sure Trump’s pals over at Fox and Friends will be asking “so what’s wrong with banging porn stars and paying them hush money?”

 

To be fair, Republicans are quick to point out that Stormy Daniels is denying that the payout ever happened.  I’m sure she is.  I mean, isn’t that why they call these payouts “hush money?”  That said, Trump must have assumed that because her name is Stormy – there’d be a good chance of showers – Golden Showers.  In fact, rumor has it she’s busy writing a book about her experiences with the President entitled “Urine The White House Now.”

 

Anyway, if I’m doing the math correctly, this $130,000 payout means Trump is paying out over $100,000 per inch – or, put another way – $60,000 a minute for her services.  But come on – $130,000?  And they say nobody pays for porn anymore!  So much for Donald Trump’s superior negotiating skills.

 

One thing’s for sure, you can bet Republican Values Voters are gonna be just furious about this…just kidding!  Apparently Values Voters interpret Two Corinthians as saying “it’s perfectly fine to cheat on your wife with adult film stars, just as long as you pay them off properly.”  After all, nothing says “family values” like paying hush money to a porn star.  One thing’s for sure, all these scandals are likely to make poor Melania squint her eyes even more than she already does.

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The post Trump Lawyer Arranged $130K Hush Money to Keep Porn Star Quiet appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Believers Gather at First Ever Flat-Earth Conference

Believers Gather at First Ever Flat-Earth Conference:  The first-ever Flat Earth International Conference, aimed at disputing the idea that the world is round, has just wrapped up in North Carolina.  Gee, I was gonna attend, but I never got “around” to it.  OK, I really didn’t go because I was flat-broke.  Besides, what on Earth do they hope to accomplish anyway?  Don’t they know there’s nothing new under the sun?  Personally, I think a lot of guys just go to these conferences hoping to meet women by pretending to believe, but the women know its just flattery.

 

Only 10% of Americans Eat Enough Fruits and Vegetables:  According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), only a sliver (1 in 10) of Americans eat enough fresh fruits and vegetables.  The CDC warns that if the trend continues, they may be forced to implement a “no dessert until you eat all the veggies on your plate policy.”

 

Ohio Judge Brags About Having Sex With 50 Very Attractive Females:  An Ohio Supreme Court justice who is running for governor tried to get ahead of any Al Franken-type allegations of sexual misconduct against him by bragging in detail about his sexual conquests.  Yea, let me guess – they were all hookers?  But come on, you know he’s lying.  Everyone knows there’s not 50 attractive women in Ohio.  Especially when they remove their dentures.

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The post Believers Gather at First Ever Flat-Earth Conference appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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Awakening Supervolcano Threatening Naples Area

Awakening Supervolcano Threatening Naples Area:  Scientists have discovered a “hot zone” feeding the Campi Flegrei supervolcano near Naples in southern Italy, prompting fears it is nearing eruption – threatening catastrophe for the 1.5 million people living in the region.  In a series of angry early morning tweets, President Trump warned that an attack on an ally like Italy would be considered an attack on the United States and promised to bomb the volcano into kingdom come if it continued to threaten this beautiful country and home to such great historical figures like Benito Mussolini.

 

Woman With Two Vaginas Turns Down $1 Million Porn Offer:  A 27-year-old British woman who was born with two vaginas, has turned down a $1 million offer from a US adult film production company to star in one of their porn films.  Ironically, this is probably the only person alive who could technically be both a prostitute and a virgin at the same time.

 

Rabbit Sets World Record For Dunking Basketballs:  A 5-year-old Holland Lop rabbit, who was trained to dunk basketballs by his caretaker Shai Asor, has just set a Guinness World Record for rabbits with seven dunks in one minute.  All I can say is, keep playing basketball like that and the next thing you know, he’ll be getting marriage proposals from the Kardashians.

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The post Awakening Supervolcano Threatening Naples Area appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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