It's a login box
As you may have noticed NewsBeat has a new name. From today we will be known as ‘The Daily Skid – The mark of excellence’. The change of name came about due to pressure from other larger organisations using a similar name. With NewsBeat becoming a huge success recently, we were asked by big men in sunglasses and dark suits to change the name or else, we are unsure what ‘or else’ means but they were carrying umbrellas and took a sneaky peak behind us. That was enough to worry us, so we agreed.
The Daily Skid will continue to bring you breaking news every day in the manner you have enjoyed so far (we know you have enjoyed it or you wouldn’t have come back to read this, would you?). Today we take a break from the norm to bring you news snippets from around the world.
Government set up new ‘Poor Patrol’, an emergency service who will endeavour to rid the streets of those with little or no financial stability.
The German public will be forced to laugh at least once a day, no matter how difficult, under a new law bought in by Angela Merkel. The law was proposed by Germans ‘Smile Champion’, Mr Sebastian Vettel, know as the only German to laugh.
United States of America
President Obama has told Congress that unless he gets full backing for ‘ObamaCare’ he will once again close America. This time Obama has, forcefully said, “If they don’t back this fully I will close America permanently. No more working and earning money for those damned Americans again. Be warned…..Back me or else.”
Norway & Scotland
A Norwegian group calling itself ‘The New Vikings’ have warned Scotland that they intend to attack Peterhead if they don’t start wearing something under their skirts. They have also demanded that the Scottish stop eating stomachs, they said “Stomachs are the final resting place for good food, not the starting place.”
Aboriginees have today declared peace with the white population of Australia. The have announced, in a landmark speech, that they will no longer eat white people. It is believed they can now see the error of their ways.
Toronto Mayor, Rob Ford, has been spotted partaking in the new celebrity craze of smoking broccoli. The Daily Skid bought you the news of this new craze a few weeks ago and now it seems politicians are in on the act. Click here for original story.
Yes, you’re right, nothing happened here!
Spain & Mexico
Spain ban other countries from using its language. 114 million people took to the streets of Cancun, Mexico last night to show their disgust at this ban. They were only able to use hand gestures as they were unable to speak given this new law.
The United Nations have demanded that China refrain from calling their national treasure ‘The Great Wall of China’. The UN has unanimously agreed that the wall is just a wall and is not great. A spokesman said, “Granted, the wall is long, but it’s not great, it’s just a damned wall, anyone can build a wall. I have one in my garden, I don’t go around calling that one great, I don’;t even call it a ‘not so bad wall’. It’s about time action was taken.”
Check us out at www.absrdcomedy.com and @absrdnews