Study Says Bagels Contribute to Higher Risk of Lung Cancer: Researchers say new data shows that those who routinely eat that morning bagel have a 49% higher risk of developing lung cancer. Health officials say the best way to avoid bagel-induced lung cancer is to eat them slow and don’t “inhale” them. And what’s to become of all the poor schmucks who struggled like hell to give up smoking, only to be done in by bagels? Where’s the justice there? On the other hand, some scientists are claiming they’ve found holes in this study.
Woman Hid Child in Carry-On Bag on Flight to Paris: A woman flying into Paris from Istanbul has been detained after it was discovered that she had hidden a four-year-old girl in a carry-on bag on the Air France plane. Now we all have our issues, but who’d wanna date someone carrying around that kind of baggage?
California Sues Grocers Over Lead In Candies: California has filed a lawsuit against popular heath food stores Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s, alleging the companies are selling lead-tainted ginger and plum candies without warning labels as required by state law. So now we have to choose between leaded or unleaded candy? State officials say its OK to eat leaded candy, just as long as you have a catalytic converter surgically implanted up your rear end.
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Man’s Viagra Overdose Leads to Penis Amputation: A 66-year-old farmer from Colombia needed to have his penis amputated after taking too much Viagra to impress a new girlfriend and suffering an erection lasting several days before finally going to a local hospital where doctors found his penis to be inflamed, fractured, and showing signs of gangrene. Oh well, all I can say is “easy cum, easy go!”
Authorities Find $270 Million in Cocaine on Air France Flight: Authorities in France found 30 suitcases full of 1.3 tons of pure cocaine on an Air France cargo flight worth an estimated $270 million. Not after they pay all the baggage fees on 30 suitcases!
Police Arrest Hotel Fire and Security Director for Arson: A New York hotel security chief and fire safety director has been arrested for giving himself days off by setting small fires in the hotels he was supposed to be protecting. Sounds like a serious case of “job-burnout!”
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