Get free downloads at www.PhilJComedy.com . My friend asked me to write a song for her new baby and baby shower. Most people would write about all the potential good in a new life. I chose a different tact. For fans of Stephen Lynch, Tim Minchin, Flight of the Conchords, Tenacious D, and Garfunkel and Oates. Lyrics Little baby you were brought here by a miracle And a broken condom I didn't know sperm carried knives And somehow you got by the IUD The diaphragm, the spermicide, and a morning after pill If Daddy hadn't been so drunk And Mommy hadn't run out of batteries If Daddy pulled out on time Instead of thinking 'bout Angelina Jolie Then baby you wouldn't be here You'd have been wiped up with a towel Little baby will your new life be a happy one Or will you make your money Putting sausage between your buns Will you be a great man who brings peace to all the land Or the type of guy that lures kids into a big white cargo van? And since you're pretty scary I'm really glad that you're not mine And I guess I'm pretty happy that your mommy cheated on me this time So go ahead and be just as evil as you want to be Hell yes I dodged that bullet and I'm free.