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Bashar al-Assad
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Feral Girl Found Living with Monkeys in India

Feral Girl Found Living with Monkeys in India:  A feral girl, who didn’t appear to understand any language and walked on all fours, has been found by local police living with a group of monkeys in a wildlife sanctuary near the Nepalese border in India.  Great story!  Wonder what the hell her name is – Tarzanne?  And while you have to wish her all the best, one thing’s for certain – living with a bunch of monkeys is still a hell of a lot better than being governed by them.

 

Jeff Bezos Shows Capsule That Will Take Tourists to Space:  Amazon’s Jeff Bezos has announced his space company Blue Origin plans to begin flying tourists past the edge of space – where, for about four minutes, they’ll experience the thrill of weightlessness and view the curvature of the Earth.  OK Amazon, and good luck with trying to fulfill two-day Prime delivery commitments on Proxima Centauri.  I can see it now, next time I call to find out what the hell happened to my Amazon order, they’ll be like – “I’m sorry sir, that order seems to be Lost in Space.”

 

U.S. Launches Strike on Bashar al-Assad’s Military Airfield:  President Donald Trump launched approximately 50 cruise missiles at a Syrian military airfield in retaliation for President Bashar al-Assad’s chemical attack which killed scores of civilians.  Speaking to reporters, a visibly shaken Donald Trump said the US will respond to ALL gas attacks and indicated he is even considering going after “Jumping Jack Flash” sometime in the near future.

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The post Feral Girl Found Living with Monkeys in India appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club Cited for Numerous Serious Food Safety Violations

Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club Cited for Numerous Serious Food Safety Violations:  Donald Trump’s exclusive Palm Beach Mar-a-Lago, country club where he has been routinely entertaining world leaders with dinner and diplomacy, has just been cited again for a number of serious food safety violations by restaurant inspectors, making it whopping 78 health violations in the last 3 years.

 

Uh-oh, sounds we’ve got ourselves another swamp that needs to be drained.  In his defense, who knew running a resort could be so complicated?  I mean what do they expect for a $200,000 membership and $100+ meals?  Food safety too?  Hell, any more safety violations and they may as well go ahead and shoot the next season of “Survivor” right there on location at Mar-A-Lago restaurant.

 

What the hell!  Did Trump University open up a culinary school?  Anyway, guess that pretty much explains why Trump always orders his steaks well done.  “Waiter – I’ll have the Sushi-Salmonella.  And is it possible to get the hair on the side please?”  I joke, but its all part of the President’s grand plan to “Make America GAG Again!”

 

And rumor has it Chinese President Xi Jinping was none too happy about being charged à la carte when he dined there.  They must be using some of those “alternative” food safety practices.  Ah – but no problem, taxpayers’ll pick up the tab to get the facility compliant.

 

One thing’s for sure, when voters in Florida say “Trump makes me sick,” they mean it literally.  I mean, why bother dropping bombs on Syria when you can just invite Bashar al-Assad over for dinner?  I hear the Mar-a-Lago “Death by Chocolate” is to die for.

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The post Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club Cited for Numerous Serious Food Safety Violations appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Cosmopolitan Now Pushing Cancer as a Diet Plan

Cosmopolitan Now Pushing Cancer as a Diet Plan:  Cosmopolitan magazine is infamous for their  click-bait headlines about women’s dieting tips, and in one of its signature pieces, they published a profile of a 31-year-old Australian woman who Cosmo claimed “lost 44 pounds without ANY exercise” – only, as it turns out – the reason she lost the weight was that she had cancer.  Hell, they may as well have added that if you go on this diet plan, it could be the last diet you’ll ever need.

 

Having Gray Hair Increases Men’s Risk of Heart Disease:  According to new research presented at European Society of Cardiology, men with grey hair face a significantly bigger risk of heart disease.  The study seemed pretty straightforward, but there were some gray areas.  In related news, sales of “Just for Men” has increased 70% since the study came out.

 

Sean Spicer Apologizes for Hitler – al-Assad Comparison:  White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer apologized after making his most astonishing blunder yet – favorably comparing Adolf Hitler with Bashar al-Assad at a White House briefing, claiming Adolf Hitler never used chemical weapons against civilians.  Wow, that Sean Spicer is really a gas!  I say the obvious solution is to fire Spicer immediately and replace him with Melissa McCarthy.

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The post Cosmopolitan Now Pushing Cancer as a Diet Plan appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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