Feral Girl Found Living with Monkeys in India: A feral girl, who didn’t appear to understand any language and walked on all fours, has been found by local police living with a group of monkeys in a wildlife sanctuary near the Nepalese border in India. Great story! Wonder what the hell her name is – Tarzanne? And while you have to wish her all the best, one thing’s for certain – living with a bunch of monkeys is still a hell of a lot better than being governed by them.
Jeff Bezos Shows Capsule That Will Take Tourists to Space: Amazon’s Jeff Bezos has announced his space company Blue Origin plans to begin flying tourists past the edge of space – where, for about four minutes, they’ll experience the thrill of weightlessness and view the curvature of the Earth. OK Amazon, and good luck with trying to fulfill two-day Prime delivery commitments on Proxima Centauri. I can see it now, next time I call to find out what the hell happened to my Amazon order, they’ll be like – “I’m sorry sir, that order seems to be Lost in Space.”
U.S. Launches Strike on Bashar al-Assad’s Military Airfield: President Donald Trump launched approximately 50 cruise missiles at a Syrian military airfield in retaliation for President Bashar al-Assad’s chemical attack which killed scores of civilians. Speaking to reporters, a visibly shaken Donald Trump said the US will respond to ALL gas attacks and indicated he is even considering going after “Jumping Jack Flash” sometime in the near future.
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