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Pensioners Forced off British Roads


The DVLA has today announced plans to curtail the time that pensioners are permitted to drive in the UK.

Members of the public have long been outraged at the poor standard of driving by people over the age of 70. Statistics prove that 4 in every 5 accidents on UK roads are caused by pensioners, the DVLA insist that this cannot be allowed to continue, hence putting new rules into place in an attempt to curb this every rising number. The DVLA have announced a number of other measures to assist in reducing collisions, the key ones listed below by head of road safety at the DVLA, Mr Ivor Carr;

Drivers over the age of 70 will not be allowed to drive between the hours of 07:00 and 10:00, or within the 16:00 to 18:00 rush hour. They will also be banned from the roads between dusk and dawn (according to Met Office times).Drivers aged 70 plus and who have also shrunk to below 5 foot 6 inches will be required to use booster seats. This is to avoid the common problem of being unable to see over the steering wheel.Pensioners must purchase automatic indicators. It is common knowledge that they are forgotten on a regular basis. This type of indicator will activate once the steering wheel begins to turn. This will stop other road users becoming annoyed, therefore reducing road rage.OAPs will no longer be permitted by law to come to a near halt as they approach speed bumps, there will be a new minimum speed on roads with these installed.Any pensioner seen in the middle lane, whilst not overtaking will be arrested on the spot and incur a total driving ban and a £48,000 fine.Age does not automatically qualify someone for a blue badge. Being old is not a disability, while they have legs that work they can jolly well use them.We will also enforce a new ‘mini’ driving test for over 70s, this will have to be passed every month. It’s the only way we can keep tabs on them.

Road safety charity Brake have told The Daily Skid, “It’s about time something was done, these rogues are stopping normal people enjoying the act of driving. They have been known to knock someone over and not even notice, in fact we heard of one incident recently where an 85 year old knocked down a cyclist and stopped half a mile down the road because he wondered whether he had ever had a wing mirror on the left.”

Age UK spokesperson, Geraldine Tenaturd was unhappy with the news, “Yet again we have discrimination in this country. Is it old people’s fault that they can’t drive or see over the steering wheel? They can’t control the natural shrinkage that occurs. So being old is not a disability? I’d love to see Mr Ivor Carr living with age.”

It’s not known when this law will come to pass, we can only assume it will be very slow.

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