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Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Earths-Magnetic-F... 438w" sizes="(max-width: 248px) 100vw, 248px" />Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip:  Scientists say the Earth’s magnetic poles appear to be ready to flip for the first time in 780,000 years, which could allow in lethal levels of radiation and cause a cascading mass blackout of the power grid – ultimately rendering areas of the planet uninhabitable.

 

Good grief, if the Earth’s magnetic fields do get reversed, does that mean we’ll all need to retrain our toilets?  I’m just asking for a friend.  And will the Earth actually flip, or will it flop?  Before you laugh all this off as complete nonsense, wasn’t this the same message they gave the inhabitants of Krypton?  Think about that my friend.  I mean, if you think your GPS gets you lost now…

 

One thing’s for sure, if the Earth does flip – Trump will claim credit for it.  Either that, or if it doesn’t work out so well, he’ll blame it on the Mexicans.  I mean, he’s already begun telling supporters that “true north was nothing but a big fat lie.”  Personally, I think there’s pretty good evidence that Trump may have already flipped.  On a positive note, in an attempt to offset any possible polarity reversals, politicians in Washington have already begun talking backwards.

 

But thinking about how parts the Earth may eventually become uninhabitable, makes me realize that communities like Cleveland were actually way ahead of their time.  I’m from that area originally, and it kind of makes me proud.  That said, there are, of course, gonna be some negatives – like we’d all better get used to the idea of walking on our ceilings.  And needing to use a mirror to read our compasses.  And of course, Kim and Kayne will inevitably have to rename their first child which they called North West.

 

And while I’m no scientist, I think this whole mess could be easily avoided.  I mean, if the Earth is really bipolar – why not just send it to a therapist or give it some lithium before its too late?  Isn’t it time we start thinking about just what the hell is Keith Richards supposed to do after everybody else is gone from the face of the Earth?

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The post Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Trump Plan Gives Teachers Bonuses for Carrying Guns in Class

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Armed-Teachers.jpg 402w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Trump Plan Gives Teachers Bonuses for Carrying Guns in Class:  President Donald Trump is reportedly proposing a plan that would award teachers with bonuses if they carry guns with them in class, which the President feels would be much cheaper than hiring armed security guards.  Hell, if its about saving money, why not just ship all our kids over to Afghanistan for school?  Teachers there are already armed – problem solved!

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Cave.jpg 600w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Study Finds Neanderthals Not Humans Were Earth First Artists:  Researchers say Neanderthals were painting on cave walls in Spain 65,000 years ago – tens of thousands of years before modern humans even arrived.  Yea, well if you ask me, that was the least of their accomplishments.  What I wanna know is, how in the hell were they able to convince saber-toothed tigers to sit still long enough to get their portraits painted on cave walls?

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Jeffrey-Dahmer-Ho... 631w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Home Where Jeffrey Dahmer Committed First Murder for Sale:  The childhood home where cannibalistic serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer committed his first murder is up for sale near Cleveland, Ohio.  While I’m no real estate expert, my guess is that someone will buy it and immediately turn it into either a rib joint or a body shop.

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The post Trump Plan Gives Teachers Bonuses for Carrying Guns in Class appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Trump-Putin Meeting Runs Over Two Hours

Trump-Putin Meeting Runs Over Two Hours:  There is much speculation as to what went on in the meeting between President Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin, as the meeting which was originally allotted 30 minutes, went nearly two hours and a half.  Well that’s an understandable time frame.  Hell, you’ve got two wannabe dick-tators and remember, it takes at least 30 minutes for Viagra to kick in.  On the other hand, its rumored Trump may have sold Alaska back to the Russians.  However, on a positive note – Sarah Palin was reportedly part of the deal.

 

Christian Activist Claims Katy Perry Driving Fans to Suicide via Lesbianism:  Conservative Christian Activist and Pastor Kevin Swanson has had just about enough of people like Katy Perry singing about kissing girls and liking it, and is now claiming Perry is leading children to decadence, followed by despair and finally suicide through her songs which glorify lesbianism.  I get it – that maddening cycle of “Katy Perry to lesbian to despair to suicide” of which Jesus frequently referred to in the Gospels.  The only problem is, short of Katy Perry losing her record contract – it seems to me about the only thing Pastor Swanson and his congregation can do is continue to vigorously rub human feces all over themselves until finally there are no more lesbians.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Mars-300x300.jpg 300w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Mars-768x769.jpg 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Mars-1022x1024.jpg 1022w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Mars.jpg 1240w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Mars Surface Bathed in Toxic Chemicals:  New data indicates there’s very little chance the Red planet can harbor life with the finding that the surface of the red planet contains a “toxic cocktail” of chemicals that can wipe out living organisms.  Scientists say about the only thing we have similar here on Earth would be areas like Cleveland and Pittsburgh, but obviously there’s a lot more to do on Mars.

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The post Trump-Putin Meeting Runs Over Two Hours appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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Man to Launch Himself in Homemade Rocket to Prove Earth Flat

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Flat-Earth-Rocket... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Flat-Earth-Rocket... 782w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Man to Launch Himself in Homemade Rocket to Prove Earth Flat:  Seeking to prove that a conspiracy of astronauts fabricated the shape of the Earth, a California man intends to prove the Earth is flat by launching himself 1,800 feet into the air at 500 miles per hour in a homemade, steam-powered rocket he built out of scrap metal.  So, to prove the Earth is flat, he’s gonna go “splat!”  I’m guessing he must have missed the last solar eclipse.  And he’ll be flying at an altitude of only 1800 feet?  Why we have buildings a lot taller than that.  And commercial jetliners frequently cruise at 30,000 feet.  Why put yourself through all this – when you can just buy an airline ticket to Cleveland and ask for a window seat?  On a positive note, he shouldn’t have any problem launching the thing, because President Trump just announced plans to repeal “The Law Of Gravity” as part of his promise to deregulate everything.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Roman-Ship-768x51... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Roman-Ship-1024x6... 1024w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Roman-Ship.jpg 1348w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Archeologists Find Roman Shipwrecks off Egypt’s Coast:  Egyptian officials report archaeologists have discovered three sunken shipwrecks dating back more than 2,000 years to Roman times off the coast of the city of Alexandria.  Alert Egyptian officials said that when the ships didn’t even show up after 2000 years, we felt something may have happened to them and that it was time to start looking.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Evolution-of-Huma... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Evolution-of-Huma... 1024w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Evolution-of-Huma... 1240w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />

Human Teeth Evolved from the Scales of Ancient Shark:  New evidence out of the University of Cambridge suggests that the teeth in your mouth have their origin in the scales of primitive shark-like fish.  Good – then maybe I’ll send them my dental bills.

 

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The post Man to Launch Himself in Homemade Rocket to Prove Earth Flat appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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Employee Accidentally Sets Off Missile Alert in Hawaii

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Emergency-Missile... 750w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Employee Accidentally Sets Off Missile Alert in Hawaii:  A bogus emergency missile alert that was accidentally set off and sent out to everyone in Hawaii – has been determined to have been caused by an employee who mistakenly pushed the wrong button.

 

Gee, an employee accidentally set off the missile alert system?  Makes you wonder, just what the hell was this guy was smok’n?  Oh wait, I think we already know the answer to that – Maui Wowie – but I digress.  All I can say is, its a good thing our President Trump was on the golf course again, or he might have panicked and pushed that “much bigger and much better nuclear button” he has setting on his desk.

 

That said, somebody needs to sit that employee down and have a good talk with him…“Now listen Sparky, let’s go over this one more time – the green button is for all is well and the red button is for…nooooo! – that button says “launch,” not “lunch!”

 

Meanwhile, alt-right conspiracy theorists have been busy insisting that this incident was no accident at all, but an attempt by a blue state to make President Trump look like a fool.  Which sounds ridiculous when you consider that our President doesn’t need any help from blue states to make himself look a fool!

 

Anyway, one interesting thing I noticed was that, even during a frightening situation like this, you don’t hear very many Hawaii residents saying things like “I told you we should have moved to Cleveland instead.”  That said, I think it’ll be interesting to see just how many babies will be born about 9 months from now.

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The post Employee Accidentally Sets Off Missile Alert in Hawaii appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Laura Ingraham Thinks Athletes Should Shut Up and Dribble

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Laura-Ingraham.jpg 750w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Laura Ingraham Thinks Athletes Should Shut Up and Dribble:  Fox News host Laura Ingraham is being accused of racism after she replied to NBA star LeBron James’ statement that “Donald Trump doesn’t “give a f**k about the people” by saying athletes like him should stay out of politics and just “shut up and dribble.”  Now let’s see here, we have a loud-mouthed reality star, a bully, a pathological liar, a serial philanderer and misogynist and – possibly even a traitor currently sitting in the White House.  Given that, I think I’d rather listen to LeBron James’ thoughts and concerns about the world situation anytime before I would Donald Trump’s.  Gee, wonder if Laura Ingraham’s ever suggested that Donald Trump “shut up?”

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Apple-Campus-768x... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Apple-Campus.jpg 980w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Apple Employees Repeatedly Walking Into Glass Walls on New Campus:  While Apple’s new spaceship campus if a sight to behold, Bloomberg is reporting that distracted employees are repeatedly banging into Apple’s glass-walled workspaces.  The situation has reportedly become so bad, that many female employees are now begging Apple to please return back to the old “glass ceiling” days, just to protect themselves from further concussions.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Nikolas-Cruz.jpg 524w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />NRA Claiming Florida School Shooter Was Mentally Ill:  As they tend to do every time there is a mass killing, the NRA and gun advocates are once again claiming the shooter (Nikolas Cruz) was mentally ill and what we need are more mental health services, not gun regulations.  Now I rarely find myself in agreement with the NRA, but now that pics and videos are surfacing showing Nikolas Cruz wearing a “Make America Great” cap, I’m inclined to agree with them that he must be mentally ill.

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The post Laura Ingraham Thinks Athletes Should Shut Up and Dribble appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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