Monday , 19 February 2018
News Alert!
  • Welcome to our new mobile friendly theme!
  • Try clicking on a comedian's picture in their joke or video!
  • Check out our awesome sharing options!
  • Click on the topic picture in a joke or video for more on that topic
  • Youtube import is working again!
Home > Jokes > Ohio >

Cleveland

How Recent: 1 Year
Staff Picks
My Comics
Show Everyting

Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Earths-Magnetic-F... 438w" sizes="(max-width: 248px) 100vw, 248px" />Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip:  Scientists say the Earth’s magnetic poles appear to be ready to flip for the first time in 780,000 years, which could allow in lethal levels of radiation and cause a cascading mass blackout of the power grid – ultimately rendering areas of the planet uninhabitable.

 

Good grief, if the Earth’s magnetic fields do get reversed, does that mean we’ll all need to retrain our toilets?  I’m just asking for a friend.  And will the Earth actually flip, or will it flop?  Before you laugh all this off as complete nonsense, wasn’t this the same message they gave the inhabitants of Krypton?  Think about that my friend.  I mean, if you think your GPS gets you lost now…

 

One thing’s for sure, if the Earth does flip – Trump will claim credit for it.  Either that, or if it doesn’t work out so well, he’ll blame it on the Mexicans.  I mean, he’s already begun telling supporters that “true north was nothing but a big fat lie.”  Personally, I think there’s pretty good evidence that Trump may have already flipped.  On a positive note, in an attempt to offset any possible polarity reversals, politicians in Washington have already begun talking backwards.

 

But thinking about how parts the Earth may eventually become uninhabitable, makes me realize that communities like Cleveland were actually way ahead of their time.  I’m from that area originally, and it kind of makes me proud.  That said, there are, of course, gonna be some negatives – like we’d all better get used to the idea of walking on our ceilings.  And needing to use a mirror to read our compasses.  And of course, Kim and Kayne will inevitably have to rename their first child which they called North West.

 

And while I’m no scientist, I think this whole mess could be easily avoided.  I mean, if the Earth is really bipolar – why not just send it to a therapist or give it some lithium before its too late?  Isn’t it time we start thinking about just what the hell is Keith Richards supposed to do after everybody else is gone from the face of the Earth?

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Trump-Putin Meeting Runs Over Two Hours

Trump-Putin Meeting Runs Over Two Hours:  There is much speculation as to what went on in the meeting between President Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin, as the meeting which was originally allotted 30 minutes, went nearly two hours and a half.  Well that’s an understandable time frame.  Hell, you’ve got two wannabe dick-tators and remember, it takes at least 30 minutes for Viagra to kick in.  On the other hand, its rumored Trump may have sold Alaska back to the Russians.  However, on a positive note – Sarah Palin was reportedly part of the deal.

 

Christian Activist Claims Katy Perry Driving Fans to Suicide via Lesbianism:  Conservative Christian Activist and Pastor Kevin Swanson has had just about enough of people like Katy Perry singing about kissing girls and liking it, and is now claiming Perry is leading children to decadence, followed by despair and finally suicide through her songs which glorify lesbianism.  I get it – that maddening cycle of “Katy Perry to lesbian to despair to suicide” of which Jesus frequently referred to in the Gospels.  The only problem is, short of Katy Perry losing her record contract – it seems to me about the only thing Pastor Swanson and his congregation can do is continue to vigorously rub human feces all over themselves until finally there are no more lesbians.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Mars-300x300.jpg 300w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Mars-768x769.jpg 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Mars-1022x1024.jpg 1022w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Mars.jpg 1240w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Mars Surface Bathed in Toxic Chemicals:  New data indicates there’s very little chance the Red planet can harbor life with the finding that the surface of the red planet contains a “toxic cocktail” of chemicals that can wipe out living organisms.  Scientists say about the only thing we have similar here on Earth would be areas like Cleveland and Pittsburgh, but obviously there’s a lot more to do on Mars.

SaveSave

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Trump-Putin Meeting Runs Over Two Hours appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Man to Launch Himself in Homemade Rocket to Prove Earth Flat

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Flat-Earth-Rocket... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Flat-Earth-Rocket... 782w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Man to Launch Himself in Homemade Rocket to Prove Earth Flat:  Seeking to prove that a conspiracy of astronauts fabricated the shape of the Earth, a California man intends to prove the Earth is flat by launching himself 1,800 feet into the air at 500 miles per hour in a homemade, steam-powered rocket he built out of scrap metal.  So, to prove the Earth is flat, he’s gonna go “splat!”  I’m guessing he must have missed the last solar eclipse.  And he’ll be flying at an altitude of only 1800 feet?  Why we have buildings a lot taller than that.  And commercial jetliners frequently cruise at 30,000 feet.  Why put yourself through all this – when you can just buy an airline ticket to Cleveland and ask for a window seat?  On a positive note, he shouldn’t have any problem launching the thing, because President Trump just announced plans to repeal “The Law Of Gravity” as part of his promise to deregulate everything.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Roman-Ship-768x51... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Roman-Ship-1024x6... 1024w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Roman-Ship.jpg 1348w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Archeologists Find Roman Shipwrecks off Egypt’s Coast:  Egyptian officials report archaeologists have discovered three sunken shipwrecks dating back more than 2,000 years to Roman times off the coast of the city of Alexandria.  Alert Egyptian officials said that when the ships didn’t even show up after 2000 years, we felt something may have happened to them and that it was time to start looking.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Evolution-of-Huma... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Evolution-of-Huma... 1024w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Evolution-of-Huma... 1240w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />

Human Teeth Evolved from the Scales of Ancient Shark:  New evidence out of the University of Cambridge suggests that the teeth in your mouth have their origin in the scales of primitive shark-like fish.  Good – then maybe I’ll send them my dental bills.

 

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Man to Launch Himself in Homemade Rocket to Prove Earth Flat appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
Laugh Blast!
jokes and videos in your inbox

Site Tip!

Did you know that comedians love it when you spread their jokes around? Check out our nifty share options () that help you help them at the bottom of each post.

Employee Accidentally Sets Off Missile Alert in Hawaii

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Emergency-Missile... 750w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Employee Accidentally Sets Off Missile Alert in Hawaii:  A bogus emergency missile alert that was accidentally set off and sent out to everyone in Hawaii – has been determined to have been caused by an employee who mistakenly pushed the wrong button.

 

Gee, an employee accidentally set off the missile alert system?  Makes you wonder, just what the hell was this guy was smok’n?  Oh wait, I think we already know the answer to that – Maui Wowie – but I digress.  All I can say is, its a good thing our President Trump was on the golf course again, or he might have panicked and pushed that “much bigger and much better nuclear button” he has setting on his desk.

 

That said, somebody needs to sit that employee down and have a good talk with him…“Now listen Sparky, let’s go over this one more time – the green button is for all is well and the red button is for…nooooo! – that button says “launch,” not “lunch!”

 

Meanwhile, alt-right conspiracy theorists have been busy insisting that this incident was no accident at all, but an attempt by a blue state to make President Trump look like a fool.  Which sounds ridiculous when you consider that our President doesn’t need any help from blue states to make himself look a fool!

 

Anyway, one interesting thing I noticed was that, even during a frightening situation like this, you don’t hear very many Hawaii residents saying things like “I told you we should have moved to Cleveland instead.”  That said, I think it’ll be interesting to see just how many babies will be born about 9 months from now.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Employee Accidentally Sets Off Missile Alert in Hawaii appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Site Tip!

Did you know that we have thousands of comedy topics? You can click on the large topic image in a joke or video for more hilarity on that subject or use the search to find what you are looking for.

Yellowstone Supervolcano 2.5 times Larger Than Previous Estimates

Yellowstone Supervolcano 2.5 times Larger Than Previous Estimates:   A new study shows the supervolcano beneath Yellowstone National Park is actually about 2.5 times larger than previous estimates, suggesting that an eruption could very well doom all of humanity.  Scientists theorize it would be nearly impossible for most life forms to survive such a cataclysmic event, with the possible exception of cockroaches or perhaps a few of the Kardashians.

 

Fossils Cast Doubt on Humanity Originating in Africa:  Fossils from Greece and Bulgaria of an ape-like creature that lived 7.2 million years ago may fundamentally alter the understanding of human origins, casting doubt on the view that the evolutionary lineage that led to people arose in Africa.  So their now claiming humanity originated in Bulgaria and not Africa?  Well, I guess it could have been worse, it could have been Cleveland.

 

T. rex Could Bite With the Force of Three Cars:  Further solidifying it’s reputation as the most fearsome of dinosaurs, scientists say when the fabled carnivorous dinosaur Tyrannosaurus rex took a bite, it did so with an awe-inspiring force equal to the weight of three small cars.  Which is why I’ve always carried a Tyrannosaurus rider with my car insurance policy.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Yellowstone Supervolcano 2.5 times Larger Than Previous Estimates appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Researchers Say Dinosaurs Nearly Missed Surviving Extinction

Researchers Say Dinosaurs Nearly Missed Surviving Extinction:  An international team of researchers claim that had the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs slammed into the planet just a few minutes earlier or later, it would have hit in the ocean and not had the devastating consequences it had for the beasts.  Scientists say a few minutes either way and the asteroid would have most likely instead struck downtown Cleveland – and not even the most ferocious of dinosaurs would have considered living anywhere near a disgusting hellhole like Cleveland.

 

Our Milky Way Said to Contain 160 Billion Planets:  A new statistical analysis based on a survey of millions of stars suggests that there’s at least 160 billion planets in our galaxy – the Milky Way.  Ironically, Milky Way candy bars are thought to contain at least 160 billion calories.

 

Basquiat Skull Painting Sells for $110.5 Million at Auction:  Joining the rarefied $100 million-plus club in a sales room punctuated by periodic gasps from the crowd, Jean-Michel Basquiat’s powerful 1982 painting of a skull brought $110.5 million at Sotheby’s, to become the sixth most expensive work ever sold at auction.  Are you kidding me – $110.5 million for a painting of a skull?  You’d think for that kind of dough, Sotheby’s could have at least sprung for some crossbones in the deal.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Researchers Say Dinosaurs Nearly Missed Surviving Extinction appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Laura Ingraham Thinks Athletes Should Shut Up and Dribble

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Laura-Ingraham.jpg 750w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Laura Ingraham Thinks Athletes Should Shut Up and Dribble:  Fox News host Laura Ingraham is being accused of racism after she replied to NBA star LeBron James’ statement that “Donald Trump doesn’t “give a f**k about the people” by saying athletes like him should stay out of politics and just “shut up and dribble.”  Now let’s see here, we have a loud-mouthed reality star, a bully, a pathological liar, a serial philanderer and misogynist and – possibly even a traitor currently sitting in the White House.  Given that, I think I’d rather listen to LeBron James’ thoughts and concerns about the world situation anytime before I would Donald Trump’s.  Gee, wonder if Laura Ingraham’s ever suggested that Donald Trump “shut up?”

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Apple-Campus-768x... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Apple-Campus.jpg 980w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Apple Employees Repeatedly Walking Into Glass Walls on New Campus:  While Apple’s new spaceship campus if a sight to behold, Bloomberg is reporting that distracted employees are repeatedly banging into Apple’s glass-walled workspaces.  The situation has reportedly become so bad, that many female employees are now begging Apple to please return back to the old “glass ceiling” days, just to protect themselves from further concussions.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Nikolas-Cruz.jpg 524w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />NRA Claiming Florida School Shooter Was Mentally Ill:  As they tend to do every time there is a mass killing, the NRA and gun advocates are once again claiming the shooter (Nikolas Cruz) was mentally ill and what we need are more mental health services, not gun regulations.  Now I rarely find myself in agreement with the NRA, but now that pics and videos are surfacing showing Nikolas Cruz wearing a “Make America Great” cap, I’m inclined to agree with them that he must be mentally ill.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Laura Ingraham Thinks Athletes Should Shut Up and Dribble appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Today's Featured Hot Topics

Most Popular