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White House Admits Trump Weighed In on Son’s Misleading Statement

White House Admits Trump Weighed In on Son’s Misleading Statement:  White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders admitted that President Trump “weighed in” on the misleading statement issued by his son, but denied that the President dictated his son’s statement.  Hell, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that if you want Trump to own up to writing the statement, all you have to do is tell him it was “brilliantly written.”

 

NASA Hiring Planetary Protection Officer to Defend Earth from Aliens:  NASA is seeking to hire a full-time “planetary protection officer,” a job which pays $187,000 and will involve ensuring that humans in space do not contaminate planets and moons, as well as ensuring alien matter does not infect the Earth.  My question is, how would you measure job performance on a gig like that?  Anyway, I understand Randy Quaid is looking for a job.  Just hand him a lightsaber and set him loose.

 

Kanye West Sues Lloyd’s Over Canceled Tour Insurance:  Rapper Kanye West has filed a $10 million lawsuit against Lloyd’s of London, alleging that Lloyd’s is withholding paying out claims from the rapper’s canceled Saint Pablo tour which was abruptly ended after West began delivering bizarre rants about Jay-Z, Beyoncé and then-president-elect Donald Trump before finally checking into a UCLA psychiatric facility.  The way I look at it, Lloyd’s actually insured Kanye West?  Now you tell me who’s crazy.

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The post White House Admits Trump Weighed In on Son’s Misleading Statement appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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Stem Cell Brain Implants Could Slow Aging Process in Humans

Stem Cell Brain Implants Could Slow Aging Process in Humans:  Scientists announced they have slowed down the aging process in animals by implanting stem cells into the hypothalamus region of their brains, raising hopes that implants into the “almond-sized” hypothalamus of humans could help combat age-related diseases and therefore extend the human lifespan.  In related news, Trader Joe’s has almonds on sale all this week for just $4.99 a pound, but researchers caution that while this may be a great bargain, there’s no hard evidence that purchasing discounted almonds at Trader Joe’s will do anything to increase the human lifespan.

 

Half Our Bodies’ Atoms Formed Beyond Milky Way:  Astronomers say nearly half of the atoms that make up our bodies may have formed beyond the Milky Way and traveled to our solar system on intergalactic winds driven by giant exploding stars.  Yea, and a good portion of the other half of our bodies formed because we ate too many Milky Ways.

 

Man Accused of Smuggling King Cobras in Potato Chip Canisters:  A Los Angeles man has been arrested after federal prosecutors say he arranged to smuggle three highly venomous king cobra snakes into the United States hidden in potato chip canisters.  What I wanna know is, who’s job was it to stuff the snakes into the potato chip canisters?  Talk about coming through when the chips are down.  I suppose it goes without saying that he told the snakes “I bet you can’t eat just one.”

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The post Stem Cell Brain Implants Could Slow Aging Process in Humans appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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