Trump Makes Craziest Statement About Panama Canal:  President Trump raised eyebrows during a White House meeting with Panamanian President Juan Carlos Varela when he said “the Panama Canal is doing quite well, I think we did a good job building it.”

Is it just me, or did Trump just kinda/sorta try and take credit for the Panama Canal?  I assume from this point on in the Red States, it’ll be forever known as the Trump Canal.  Must be part of those infrastructure upgrades he promised during the campaign.  Wonder if he was able to get Panama to pay for it?

That said, I’ve gotta at least give him credit for knowing the Panama Canal is in Panama.  Can’t wait for his thoughts on Grant’s Tomb.  On the other hand, can we expect an international incident if the Egyptians visit and he takes credit for the pyramids or implies the Chinese ripped off his idea when they built the Great Wall?

Anyway, my feeling is that while the Panama Canal is certainly a nice canal, its not nearly as nice as the one Trump had built over at Guadalcanal.  I believe he even kept a diary while the thing was being built.

But all kidding aside, if your elderly parents regularly uttered insane things like this, wouldn’t you think its time to get them professional help?  And the best part is – he has his tiny, little fingers on that big red button.  I mean, at this point – even Putin and the Russians have to be thinking “what the hell have we done?”

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New Study Claims Pot Could Lead to Cardiac Risks: According to a new study just released, researchers at Philadelphia’s Einstein Medical Center say there may be a connection between marijuana use and increased cardiac risks – including stroke.  Well of course pot can lead to heart failure – especially when you first realize you’ve run out!  Hell, the way I look at it, if Trump’s election didn’t give me a heart attack, there’s not much chance smoking a joint’s gonna kill me.

Colossal 3,000-Year-Old Statue Unearthed in Cairo: In what is being called a most important archaeological find, a team of archaeologists from Egypt and Germany have removed the head of a giant 3,000-year-old statue thought to depict Ramses II, and are now trying to figure out how to remove the huge torso portion of the statue. The archaeologists faced community criticism for removing parts of the statue with a crane, but countered by saying “hey, it isn’t our fault Ramses II had such a fat ass.”

Trump Claiming He Didn’t Know Flynn an Agent for Turkey:  The White House is claiming that President Trump did not know until this week his former national security adviser, Michael Flynn, had been working as an agent for Turkey, although the information was told to the Trump team before Donald Trump took office.  Gee, stuff like that could almost lead someone to conclude that perhaps it might not be the refugees who need the “extreme vetting.”

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http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Cotton-Swabs-300x... 300w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Cotton-Swabs.png 702w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />New Guidelines Warn Against Cotton Swabs to Clean Ears:  Updated clinical guidelines recently published caution that people should refrain from using cotton swabs to clean wax from their ears, as they can cause cuts in ear canals, perforate our eardrums and dislocate our hearing bones.  Doctors say the danger exists, even for those using Gwyneth Paltrow’s private brand 1500-thread count, 100% Egyptian Cotton swabs sold only at Nordstrom.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Solar-Activity-30... 300w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Solar-Activity.jpg 768w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Changes in the Sun’s Activity Threatens Earth’s Electronics:  According to new research, shifts in solar activity could make the sun a serious threat as early as midcentury to those electronic devices upon which society has become so dependent.  Terrific, as if we didn’t already have enough to worry about, now we have to make sure our cellphones, laptops and smartwatches don’t get a sunburn?

Study Claims Dinosaurs Died a Very Cold Death:  New research using state-of-the-art computer simulations indicates the dinosaurs probably died a very cold death as the Earth’s surface air temperature dropped by at least 79 degrees Fahrenheit after a massive asteroid hit Earth 65 million years ago.  Makes sense they’d freeze to death when you consider how difficult it would have been for dinosaurs to get ahold of any heating oil back in those days – especially given it was the poor dinosaurs themselves who ended up actually becoming heating oil.  Hell, they didn’t even have snow shovels back in those days.  It would have been nearly impossible for any of them to get back and forth to work.

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Kim Jong Nam Had Half Brother Killed With Nerve Agent:  Malaysian police say the chemical substance used to kill Kim Jong Un’s half brother Kim Jong Nam last week, was a banned nerve agent called VX, which is listed as a weapon of mass destruction by the United Nations.  Why the nerve of someone killing their own half brother with nerve gas.  I have half a mind to tell him so too.  Instead of killing him, couldn’t he have just had him beaten up and left him somewhere half dead?  But no, he had the poor guy killed when he didn’t even half to.  Sad!

Outbreak Of Brain Cancer Found in West Coast Raccoons:  The Centers for Disease Control is reporting there is an outbreak of brain cancer in west coast raccoons which is being linked to a newly discovered virus.  Veterinarians say the real tragedy is that a raccoon’s face will often mask the symptoms.

Customers Forking-Over Thousands to Hear About Past Lives:  A high-priced Manhattan psychic was convicted of larceny after convincing her clients to hand over more than $25 million – telling them “they had past lives as Egyptian princesses and therefore issues with attachment to money.”  Well, I suppose in her own special way, she really did help them overcome their attachment to money.

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Kellyanne Conway Claims Trump’s Team has Alternative Facts:  When confronted by Chuck Todd about lies White House press secretary Sean Spicer told at his first press conference, Kellyanne Conway advised the Meet the Press host that Donald Trump’s team is using “alternative facts.”  In related news – the White House has just congratulated the Green Bay Packers on their tremendous victory over the Atlanta Falcons in the NFC Championship game.

Khloe Kardashian’s Revenge Body Show Stirs Controversy:  Khloe Kardashian’s new show “Revenge Body” on E! Entertainment is causing a bit of controversy as some are saying that its psychologically unhealthy to use “revenge” as a motivator.  I suspect I may have one of those “revenge bodies” myself, given that most of the people who’ve seen it have puked right on the spot.

Headless Crocodiles in Egyptian Tomb Shock Experts:  A Swedish archaeological team working in Egypt has reported the discovery of 12 new tombs, which include among other artifacts – two headless crocodiles.  Some of the archaeologists speculate that the heads may possibly have been given away as gifts – which seems absolutely crazy to me, because – who in their right mind would want to give a crocodile head?

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