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Girl Scouts

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Trump Gives Bizarre Speech to Attendees of 2017 Boy Scout Jamboree

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Donald-Trump-300x... 300w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Donald-Trump.jpeg 410w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Trump Gives Bizarre Speech to Attendees of 2017 Boy Scout Jamboree:  President Donald Trump gave an absolutely bizarre speech at the 2017 Boy Scout Jamboree, regaling the youngsters with tales of attending cocktail get-togethers with “hot” guests and playboy industrialists, sharing nightlife tips, bragging about his election win and leading the scouts in a massive boo for ex-President Barack Obama.  Gee, I can hardly wait to hear what he plans to tell the Girl Scouts.  About the only thing missing from the speech were hints about how scouts should consider buying their merit badges instead of going through all that stupid crap to get them.  After all, everyone knows doing the work and actually earning your rewards is for suckers.

 

Michael Phelps Races a Great White Shark:  As part of Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, Olympic great Michael Phelps raced a simulated great white shark over a 100m course, finishing just two seconds slower than the simulated great white.  Oh for God’s sake, what’ll they think of next?  Trump and Steve Bannon racing a great white supremacist?

 

Heavy Drinking Will Kill 63,000 Over Next Five Years:  Doctors in the UK warn that nearly 63,000 people in that country will die over the next five years from liver problems linked to heavy drinking.  In response, Trump officials are urging any Americans who may be considered heavy drinkers – not to move to England.

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The post Trump Gives Bizarre Speech to Attendees of 2017 Boy Scout Jamboree appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Martin Shkreli to Be Jailed Over Hillary Clinton Threat

Martin Shkreli to Be Jailed Over Hillary Clinton Threat:  Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli was ordered jailed in light of what a judge termed the “danger inherent in Shkreli’s Facebook recent post” offering a $5,000 reward to anyone who snags-off a lock of Hillary Clinton’s hair.  Sounds like the only “lock” Mr Shkreli can expect from this point on will be the lock closing tightly on his jail cell door.

 

Georgia Man Shoots Wandering Elderly Man With Alzheimer’s:  A 34-year-old Walker County, Georgia man shot and killed a 72-year-old man he assumed was a prowler on his porch, but who turned out an elderly man with advanced Alzheimer’s disease.  A check of local ordinances found that under Georgia law, the only time its justified to shoot someone who’s on your porch is when they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses or possibly Girl Scouts pushing cookies – and then only if they’re completely out of Thin Mints.

 

Ted Cruz Claims It Wasn’t Him Who Liked Porn Video:  The controversy over Ted Cruz’s personal Twitter account “liking” a hardcore porn video continues after the Republican senator from Texas doubled down on his denial, claiming it wasn’t he, but actually an unnamed staffer who did it.  Well, the Bible does say in (Ps. 23:4) “thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.”  Who knew just how much comfort that would entail?  Anyway, go ahead and deny it all you want, but just remember Ted – every time you masturbate to pornography – Jesus kills a little puppy.  I suggest the good senator try exercising a little “Cruz Control” in the future.

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The post Martin Shkreli to Be Jailed Over Hillary Clinton Threat appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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Massive Malware Attack Disables Millions of Computers Worldwide

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Cyber-Crime.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Massive Malware Attack Disables Millions of Computers Worldwide:  Hackers have unleashed a devastating global malware attack, based upon a software flaw that once was part of the US National Security Agency’s (NSA) surveillance tool kit, to disable millions of computers in over a hundred countries, snarling operations at the Russian Interior Ministry, Spanish telecommunications giant Telefónica and Britain’s National Health Service (NHS), where hospitals were hobbled and medical procedures interrupted.

 

All I can say is, its a damn good thing President Trump had the foresight to appoint Rudy Giuliani to monitor US cyber security a couple of months ago…he certainly seems to be up to that task and attacks like this will become basically nonexistent now that he’s on the job.

 

In the meantime, aides promise the President does plan to address the issue, just as soon as he’s finished tweeting about Stephen Colbert and Rosie O’Donnell.  Anonymous sources within the White House also report the President became furious after logging into his own personal computer and getting an error message reading “your brain has been hacked and appears to be running some very mentally catastrophic malware!”  He demanded to know why he can’t just fire the malware like he used to do with contestants on “Celebrity Apprentice.”

 

In a strong show of determination, Trump spokesperson Kellyanne Conway, appearing on CNN, promised that someone will be held responsible for this cyber attack – be it the Girl Scouts, the LGBT community or illegal immigrants and their children, we’re gonna hold someone responsible.  Meanwhile, until the issue is resolved, White House IT security technicians are recommending computer users hang a string of garlic cloves over their computer screens – just to be on the safe side!

 

Now, an almost unimaginable scenario has arisen, and that is what would happen to millennials if their computers, tablets and smartphones become infected and they lose access to texting and all social media?  An almost unfathomable consequence could arise, they may be forced to end up speaking to one another face-to-face.  Oh – the horror!

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The post Massive Malware Attack Disables Millions of Computers Worldwide appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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