by JimMcCue

70% of people check their Twitter when they wake up, which is a sign of addiction. I start my day with heroin because I like routine.

Jan 10th, 2017 via twitterStaff Pick

by Adam Wolf

Just a spoon full of heroin helps the medicine go down. #RuinAMovieQuote @midnight

Apr 28th, 2014 via twitterStaff Pick

by Ham on Wry

This weekend, I'll be explaining resurrection to my nephew after telling him last year that the Easter Bunny died of a heroin overdose.

Mar 29th, 2018 via twitterStaff Pick

by Ham on Wry

It's said that laughter is the best medicine, but after this election I may have to switch to heroin.

Nov 5th, 2016 via twitter

by Jeff Dwoskin

Hopefully me to my kids #HeroIn5Words

Jul 28th, 2017 via twitter

by Al Humphries

"I don't need alcohol to enjoy myself at this party!"

*Injects heroin into eyeball*

Feb 19th, 2014 via twitterStaff Pick

by Bob Phillips

Spent most of the weekend reading about Harriet Tubman, Anne Frank, Joan of Arc, and Rosa Parks.

I think I'm a heroine addict.

Apr 24th, 2016 via twitterStaff Pick

by Corey Miller

Stay clean, heroin kills people. #HeroIn5Words

Jul 28th, 2017 via twitter

by Warren Holstein

Bad news. Macaulay Culkin's “Home Alone” sequel with adult Kevin breaking in to steal appliances to sell for his heroin habit was scrapped.

Dec 16th, 2014 via twitterStaff Pick

by Erik Bransteen

Did you know Lucky Charms cereal is gluten free?
That's kind of like knowing that heroin is low in cholesterol.

Sep 17th, 2016 via twitterStaff Pick

by Emanuel Zbeda

The opposite of Donald Trump #HeroIn5Words

Jul 28th, 2017 via twitter

by Jason Mack

The good news is I did no Facebook or Twitter for the last 4 days. The bad news is I do heroin now.

Mar 9th, 2015 via twitterStaff Pick