Ex-Anheuser-Busch CEO Arrested Trying To Fly Helicopter Intoxicated: The former CEO of Anheuser-Busch, August Adolphus Busch IV, was arrested after he landed a helicopter in an Illinois business park and returned, appearing too intoxicated to take off. Police say he also had drugs and guns in the chopper. Hell, doesn’t he have anything to drink at home? Good thing they caught him before he did something stupid like hold up a liquor store.
Florida Teen Kills Mom and Cripples Dad: A 16-year-old Alabama teenager will be tried as an adult for allegedly stabbing his mother to death and leaving his father paralyzed with a punctured lung, a day before he was scheduled to begin taking anger management classes. Well, I guess the best we can hope for at this point is that the poor father will be able to get a refund back on those anger management classes his son will no longer be in a position to be attending.
Earth’s Sixth Mass Extinction Event Under Way: Many scientists say a “biological annihilation” with billions of populations of animals being lost in recent decades means the sixth mass extinction in Earth’s history is well under way and is more severe than previously feared. Meanwhile, Trump Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke deputes this scenario and points out what’s really going on here is that God’s really pissed at the gays and if we just quit forcing people to bake them cakes, everything will be just fine.
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