Friday , 15 December 2017
News Alert!
  • Welcome to our new mobile friendly theme!
  • Try clicking on a comedian's picture in their joke or video!
  • Check out our awesome sharing options!
  • Click on the topic picture in a joke or video for more on that topic
  • Youtube import is working again!
Home > Jokes >

Illinois

How Recent: 2 Years
Staff Picks
My Comics
Show Everyting

Ex-Anheuser-Busch CEO Arrested Trying To Fly Helicopter Intoxicated

Ex-Anheuser-Busch CEO Arrested Trying To Fly Helicopter Intoxicated:  The former CEO of Anheuser-Busch, August Adolphus Busch IV, was arrested after he landed a helicopter in an Illinois business park and returned, appearing too intoxicated to take off.  Police say he also had drugs and guns in the chopper.  Hell, doesn’t he have anything to drink at home?  Good thing they caught him before he did something stupid like hold up a liquor store.

 

Florida Teen Kills Mom and Cripples Dad:  A 16-year-old Alabama teenager will be tried as an adult for allegedly stabbing his mother to death and leaving his father paralyzed with a punctured lung, a day before he was scheduled to begin taking anger management classes.  Well, I guess the best we can hope for at this point is that the poor father will be able to get a refund back on those anger management classes his son will no longer be in a position to be attending.

 

Earth’s Sixth Mass Extinction Event Under Way:  Many scientists say a “biological annihilation” with billions of populations of animals being lost in recent decades means the sixth mass extinction in Earth’s history is well under way and is more severe than previously feared.  Meanwhile, Trump Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke deputes this scenario and points out what’s really going on here is that God’s really pissed at the gays and if we just quit forcing people to bake them cakes, everything will be just fine.

SaveSave

SaveSave

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Ex-Anheuser-Busch CEO Arrested Trying To Fly Helicopter Intoxicated appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Attorney General Sessions Insults State of Hawaii

Attorney General Sessions Insults State of Hawaii:  US Attorney General Jeff Sessions set off a firestorm after issuing an insulting dismissal of America’s 50th state, expressing astonishment that a judge “who sits on an island in the Pacific” could dare hold up American President Trump’s travel ban – making some wonder if he was even aware that Hawaii is a state.  Sure, Hawaii has been a state since 1959, but in Sessions’ defense, he’s still living in the year 1950.  That said, Hawaii shouldn’t take it too personally, Sessions doesn’t recognize any states which were added after the Missouri Compromise.  And on a positive note, at least he had the ocean correct.

 

Newly Discovered Exoplanet May Be Best Candidate for Life:  Scientists say a newly discovered exoplanet, some 40 light-years from Earth, may be the best place to look for signs of life outside our Solar System.  Uh oh, space aliens just 40 light-years away?  Sounds like the Trump Administration may need a bigger wall.

 

Lawsuit Claims Bose Headphones Spying on Customers:  An Illinois man has filed a class-action lawsuit, accusing high-end audio equipment maker Bose of spying on its users and selling information about their playlists and listening habits without permission.  And who can blame him?  I mean, who wants the general public to know your favorite music group is The Village People?

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Attorney General Sessions Insults State of Hawaii appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
Laugh Blast!
jokes and videos in your inbox

Site Tip!

Did you know that comedians love it when you spread their jokes around? Check out our nifty share options () that help you help them at the bottom of each post.

Trump Still Claiming His Fake Renoir is Real

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Two-Sisters-150x1... 150w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Two-Sisters.jpg 355w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Trump Still Claiming His Fake Renoir is Real:  Even though its been well documented that the real Renoir “Two Sisters (On The Terrace)” painting has been hanging in the Art Institute of Chicago since 1933, President Trump continues to insist that the one hanging in his New York apartment is real.  Yea, and I’m guessing he believes his Van Gogh self-portrait is real too – even though the ear was actually bitten off by Mike Tyson.  What tickles me is that he also seems to believe he’s a real president.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Flying-Insects-15... 150w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Flying-Insects.png 348w" sizes="(max-width: 298px) 100vw, 298px" />Scientists Warn of Ecological Armageddon As Insect Numbers Drop:  Scientists say three-quarters of all flying insects in nature reserves across Germany have vanished in the last 25 years, which has serious implications for all life on Earth.  Really?  All I can say is, I sure haven’t seen that drop in my apartment.  Meanwhile, Trump EPA chief Scott Pruitt claims the issue is that flying insects are having difficulty getting permission from air traffic controllers to take off and suggests the bugs might wanna consider using another form of transportation.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Drinking-Alcohol-... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Drinking-Alcohol-... 1024w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Drinking Alcohol Makes Learning New Language Easier:  A new study found that drinking a little drinking can help people struggling to learn a second language.  Hell, if that’s the case, then I’m guessing Charlie Sheen must be fluent in at least 10 languages by now.

SaveSave

SaveSave

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Trump Still Claiming His Fake Renoir is Real appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Site Tip!

Did you know that we have thousands of comedy topics? You can click on the large topic image in a joke or video for more hilarity on that subject or use the search to find what you are looking for.

Trump Challenges Secretary Tillerson to IQ Test

Trump Challenges Secretary Tillerson to IQ Test:  After reports surfaced that he referred to President Trump as an “f-ing moron,” President Donald Trump challenged Secretary of State Rex Tillerson to an “IQ test” while talking to a reporter at the White House.  I don’t know about the President being a moron, but I do think the fact that he spelled IQ correctly ought to count for something.  Just ask yourself, how many people in Nambia can do that?

 

Interior Sec Zinke Worried About Removing Confederate Statues:  In a recent Breitbart interview, Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke warned that if the country begins to remove all the Confederate statues, pretty soon “Native Indians” will want the statues of anti-indigenous Union generals removed too.  I see his point.  As Interior Secretary, he’s probably concerned that if we remove all the statues, where’s that gonna leave the pigeons?

 

Ditka Claims He Knows of No Oppression in US for Last Hundred Years:  In response to NFL players kneeling during the national anthem, former Chicago Bears star and coach Mike Ditka claimed there has been no oppression he knows about in this country for the last hundred years.  Perhaps someone ought to mention to him that oppression doesn’t typically happen in neighborhoods dotted with five and ten million dollar homes.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Trump Challenges Secretary Tillerson to IQ Test appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Today's Featured Hot Topics

Most Popular