Jeb Bush Urges Marching in the Streets Against Robots: In a recent speech, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush said millennials should be marching in the streets, demanding our educational system prepare students to compete with robots who will inevitably be taking most of our jobs in the future. In response, millennials were like “can’t we just get the robots to do the marching for us?”
Dwarf Planet May Have More Freshwater Than Earth: In a startling discovery, scientists say there’s good evidence that the dwarf planet Ceres, the largest object in the asteroid belt, may contain more freshwater than Earth. In response, the chairman of President Trump’s Science Advisory Committee – Henry C. Higgenbottom – demanded to know why “if dwarfs have their own planet with all that water on it, are they still drinking up all of our water?”
Paris Hilton Concerned Plastic Bottles Destroying Our Planet: Hotel Heiress and reality TV star Paris Hilton revealed she is moving from partying to philanthropy, as she begins crusading against plastic bottles, which she says are destroying the planet. Wait a minute – a totally plastic person coming out against plastic bottles? What the hell kind of world are we living in? What’s next, David Duke complaining about “White Privilege?”
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