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Justin Bieber

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Costco & Sam’s Club Issue Recall of Packaged Ham

canned-hamhttp://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Canned-ham-300x30... 300w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Canned-ham.jpg 350w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Costco & Sam’s Club Issue Recall of Packaged Ham:  Costco & Sam’s Club have announced they are recalling all of their 6-pound vacuum-sealed packages of Fletcher’s Canadian Black Forest Ham after numerous customer complaints that the meat was un-chewable – lab tests later determined that pieces of rubber material were embedded in the processed meat.

 

Good grief, Canadian ham with pieces rubber in it?  This sounds like an act of international terrorism.  I think we can safely assume that if Donald Trump’s elected President, this will mean war with the Canada!  In fact, at a recent rally, Trump told angry followers he wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Hillary “RodHAM” Clinton wasn’t somehow involved.

 

On the other hand, others are wondering if this could have simply been a secret product test of a new “ham-flavored gum” which was accidentally released to the public.  I mean think about it, why would a boneless ham need rubber in it anyway?  And the recall is having reverberations throughout the industry as Walmart just announced they will be recalling all their rubber ducks, just as a precaution.

 

The irony is that when you consider all the crap they put into processed meats, like growth hormones, antibiotics and other chemicals – the rubber may very well have been the healthiest part.  My advice is go ahead and eat the ham – hell, it might put a little bounce in your step!

 

Meanwhile, on Capitol Hill, some legislators are discussing the feasibility of sending Justin Bieber back to Canada along with the recalled ham.  And a spokesperson for Fletcher’s is trying to calm investor concerns about the recall’s impact on their bottom line by pointing out that BF Goodrich has already offered to buy all the returned packaged hams which they say can be used in nearly all of their products.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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Army to Allow Completion of Dakota Access Oil Pipeline

Army to Allow Completion of Dakota Access Oil Pipeline:  With the new Trump administration in place, the Army just announced it will allow the $3.8 billion Dakota Access oil pipeline to cross under a Missouri River reservoir in North Dakota, clearing the way for completion of the disputed four-state project.  In related news, its being reported that President Trump is also negotiating another pipeline which would run from the U.S. Treasury directly into one of his offshore bank accounts.

 

Wind Turbine Blades May One Day Be Made of Vegetables:  Researchers are searching for recyclable materials that could be used to manufacture wind turbine blades, including blades which are made out of vegetable sources.  Scientists say that if they’re successful, even vegetarians would be able to use the electricity.

 

Sarah Palin’s Name Mentioned as Canadian Ambassador:  Canadians have been going crazy on Twitter after White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer refused to discount the rumors that Sarah Palin is being considered as the next US Ambassador to Canada.  Geez, does the Trump Administration have any clue what a move like this could mean to US-Canadian diplomacy?  It means that the most polite people in the entire world will soon be giving us the finger!  On the other hand, some Americans counter that this is exactly what Canada deserves for sending us Justin Bieber.  Meanwhile, rumor has it that the Canadians are in super-secret negotiations to try and convince the Americans to appoint Tina Fey instead.

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The post Army to Allow Completion of Dakota Access Oil Pipeline appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Facebook to Add 3,000 Moderators in Wake of Murders

Facebook to Add 3,000 Moderators in Wake of Murders:  Following outrage over recent broadcasts of murders, shootings, rapes and assaults – streamed live on Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg announced that the social network will add 3000 additional people to monitor the situation more closely.  Excuse my skepticism, but this just sounds like the murders and assaults are now have 3000 more viewers.

 

Epilepsy Drug Helps Addicts Kick Cocaine Habit:  A new study reports that an epilepsy drug is helping addicts kick the cocaine habit.  Wow, this sounds like a new take on “kicking the habit.”

 

Bieber Ringtone Saves Russian Fisherman From Bear Attack:  A 42-year-old Russian fisherman says he was attacked from behind by a brown bear and that the only thing that saved him was his ringtone of Justin Bieber’s hit song “Baby” suddenly went off, startling the bear and causing it to run away.  There you have it, conclusive proof the Bieber’s music is simply “unbearable.”

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The post Facebook to Add 3,000 Moderators in Wake of Murders appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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