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Kansas City

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Osteen Claims Megachurch Didn’t Open Doors Because Houston Didn’t Ask

Osteen Claims Megachurch Didn’t Open Doors Because Houston Didn’t Ask:  Pastor Joel Osteen has been making the rounds of the talk show circuit, offering his explanation as to why he didn’t offer his 16,800-seat megachurch in Houston as a shelter sooner for those displaced by the disastrous flooding from Hurricane Harvey.  In Osteen’s defense, he probably thought there’s no point in dirtying up his church while there’s still a possibility open that someone could find Noah’s Ark.

 

Kensington Palace Announces William & Kate’s New Royal Duties:  Now that their kids are headed to school, Kensington Palace has announced a lineup of duties that Prince William and Kate Middleton will take on this fall.  And while I enjoy making jokes about the Royals, truth be known – the only throne I really care about is the one in my bathroom.  Otherwise, we’re just talking about a family of the richest public assistance recipients on earth.

 

Pet Turtles Blamed for Multi-State Salmonella Outbreak:  The CDC says pet turtles are at the heart of a multi-state outbreak of salmonella, cautioning people that “if you do handle a turtle, be sure to wash your hands thoroughly immediately afterward.”  Turtles are causing salmonella?  Why I’m totally shell-shocked!  Sure CDC – let’s blame the turtles when they know they’re too slow to get away from the accusations.  Meanwhile, I guess all the salmon get a free pass, even though the disease is right there in their name.

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The post Osteen Claims Megachurch Didn’t Open Doors Because Houston Didn’t Ask appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Facebook to Add 3,000 Moderators in Wake of Murders

Facebook to Add 3,000 Moderators in Wake of Murders:  Following outrage over recent broadcasts of murders, shootings, rapes and assaults – streamed live on Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg announced that the social network will add 3000 additional people to monitor the situation more closely.  Excuse my skepticism, but this just sounds like the murders and assaults are now have 3000 more viewers.

 

Epilepsy Drug Helps Addicts Kick Cocaine Habit:  A new study reports that an epilepsy drug is helping addicts kick the cocaine habit.  Wow, this sounds like a new take on “kicking the habit.”

 

Bieber Ringtone Saves Russian Fisherman From Bear Attack:  A 42-year-old Russian fisherman says he was attacked from behind by a brown bear and that the only thing that saved him was his ringtone of Justin Bieber’s hit song “Baby” suddenly went off, startling the bear and causing it to run away.  There you have it, conclusive proof the Bieber’s music is simply “unbearable.”

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The post Facebook to Add 3,000 Moderators in Wake of Murders appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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Exercise Can Cancel Out Health Risks From Drinking

drinking-and-exercisehttp://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Drinking-and-Exer... 262w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Exercise Can Cancel Out Health Risks From Drinking:  A new study found that exercising the recommended amount can “cancel out” the higher risk of death associated with drinking alcohol.  I can see it now, “I’d love to stay around for another drink my friend, but I’ve gotta catch last call at 24-Hour Fitness.  Wonder what a fitness program for drunks would look like anyway?  Personally, “toilet bowel head raises” are among my favorites.

 

guyana-manGuyana Man Pleads Guilty to Sex With a Corpse:  A 20-year-old garbage collector in the South American country of Guyana has pleaded guilty to exhuming the corpse of an elderly woman and having sex with it.  Neighbors say they’re not surprised, adding that just about everything this guy touches seems to go rotten.

 

bank-robberKansas City Man Robs Bank to Escape From Wife:  Authorities say a Kansas City man robbed a bank and then just sat down and waited for police to arrive and arrest him in order to escape life with his wife.  Why that’s just crazy!  Doesn’t he realize “there must be 50 ways to leave your lover?”

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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