Saturday , 21 April 2018
News Alert!
  • Welcome to our new mobile friendly theme!
  • Try clicking on a comedian's picture in their joke or video!
  • Check out our awesome sharing options!
  • Click on the topic picture in a joke or video for more on that topic
  • Youtube import is working again!

Kim Kardashian

How Recent: 6 Months
Staff Picks
My Comics
Show Everyting

Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Earths-Magnetic-F... 438w" sizes="(max-width: 248px) 100vw, 248px" />Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip:  Scientists say the Earth’s magnetic poles appear to be ready to flip for the first time in 780,000 years, which could allow in lethal levels of radiation and cause a cascading mass blackout of the power grid – ultimately rendering areas of the planet uninhabitable.

 

Good grief, if the Earth’s magnetic fields do get reversed, does that mean we’ll all need to retrain our toilets?  I’m just asking for a friend.  And will the Earth actually flip, or will it flop?  Before you laugh all this off as complete nonsense, wasn’t this the same message they gave the inhabitants of Krypton?  Think about that my friend.  I mean, if you think your GPS gets you lost now…

 

One thing’s for sure, if the Earth does flip – Trump will claim credit for it.  Either that, or if it doesn’t work out so well, he’ll blame it on the Mexicans.  I mean, he’s already begun telling supporters that “true north was nothing but a big fat lie.”  Personally, I think there’s pretty good evidence that Trump may have already flipped.  On a positive note, in an attempt to offset any possible polarity reversals, politicians in Washington have already begun talking backwards.

 

But thinking about how parts the Earth may eventually become uninhabitable, makes me realize that communities like Cleveland were actually way ahead of their time.  I’m from that area originally, and it kind of makes me proud.  That said, there are, of course, gonna be some negatives – like we’d all better get used to the idea of walking on our ceilings.  And needing to use a mirror to read our compasses.  And of course, Kim and Kayne will inevitably have to rename their first child which they called North West.

 

And while I’m no scientist, I think this whole mess could be easily avoided.  I mean, if the Earth is really bipolar – why not just send it to a therapist or give it some lithium before its too late?  Isn’t it time we start thinking about just what the hell is Keith Richards supposed to do after everybody else is gone from the face of the Earth?

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Trump Administration Facing Criticism For Ignoring National Parks

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Rodeo-Drive.jpg 650w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Trump Administration Facing Criticism For Ignoring National Parks:  Environmentalists are heaping loads of criticism on the Trump Administration for ignoring our deteriorating National Park Service.  An Administration spokesperson disputes the claim, pointing out that President Trump has even expanded out National Park system – by recently declaring the famed shopping district surrounding Rodeo Drive as the “Kim Kardashian National Park.”

 

Marriage May Help Reduce Risk of Dementia:  Being married could help stave off dementia, as a new study suggests that single people have a 42% elevated risk of the disease.  In related news, 42% of married people said they wished they had dementia.

 

Bird Organization Claims Cats and Not Wind Turbines Killing Birds:  The American Bird Conservancy is claiming that its actually cats and not the often-blamed wind turbines who are killing birds, pointing out that cats kill 500 million birds each year as opposed to only 440,000 birds killed by wind turbines.  And in areas where they use cats to operate the wind turbines – well, birds just might as well forget about it.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Trump Administration Facing Criticism For Ignoring National Parks appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
Laugh Blast!
jokes and videos in your inbox

Site Tip!

Did you know that comedians love it when you spread their jokes around? Check out our nifty share options () that help you help them at the bottom of each post.

Site Tip!

Did you know that all these joke and video posts are really comedian trading cards? Try clicking on a comedian's picture in their post and watch the magic.

Enormous Crack in the Earth Opens Up Near Nairobi

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Crack-in-Earth-76... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Crack-in-Earth.jpg 800w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Enormous Crack in the Earth Opens Up Near Nairobi:  Scientists can’t seem to agree upon exactly what may have caused an enormous crack which has opened up in the earth, just outside Nairobi, Kenya.  Geologists say the crack measures 50 feet deep and 65 feet across in some areas – and goes on for miles before slices right through a major highway.

 

When informed about the crack, an angry President Trump complained by tweet that now the Mexican drug lords have even gotten parts of the Earth addicted to crack – until one of his trusty aids informed him that this doesn’t sound like the kind of crack that drug addicts smoke.  The President then demanded to know if any great-big, angry fire-breathing dinosaurs were emerging from the crack? 

 

To answer this question, several renowned creationist geologists from Liberty University were immediately summoned to the White House to explain what exactly is going on – and they explained to the president that this crack is so huge, it could likely put many plumbers and possibly even Kim Kardashian – to shame.  Upon hearing that, the President was reportedly in awe of the crack.  

 

At this point, the President asked the geologists if we could possibly prevent the crack from growing any larger by throwing Rosie O’Donnell and Hillary Clinton into the crevasse as a sacrificial offering?  When the scientists informed the President that its very unlikely that would work, he shrugged his shoulders and instructed aides to send several cases of Duct tape and industrial-strength Flex Seal over to Kenya.  The President had had quite enough of this nonsense, its time to hit the golf course.

The post Enormous Crack in the Earth Opens Up Near Nairobi appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Today's Featured Hot Topics

Most Popular