Tuesday , 22 May 2018
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Man Gets Prison Smuggling King Cobras In Potato Chip Canisters

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Cobras-in-Can-768... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Cobras-in-Can.jpg 914w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Man Gets Prison Smuggling King Cobras In Potato Chip Canisters:  A Los Angeles man has been sentenced to prison for smuggling highly venomous king cobras into the country inside potato chip canisters via the mail.  Now of course, health officials have always warned about eating snacks like potato chips, but geez – this really takes it all to a whole new level.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Irish-Woman.jpg 488w" sizes="(max-width: 293px) 100vw, 293px" />Irish Woman Legally Marries 300-Year-Old Ghost:  A 45-year-old woman from Co. Louth claims the lovemaking is just great with her 18th-century Haitian pirate ghost husband she met and married after she feeling his presence laying beside her in bed in 2014.  Yea, well not to be cynical, but that “presence” she felt next to her in bed sounds more like Bill Cosby than an 18th-century Haitian pirate.

 

 

Sushi Boom Fueling Tapeworm Infections:  Health officials say as eating raw fish is becoming more popular, gruesome tapeworm infections are becoming commonplace.  While sushi connoisseurs believe these attacks on eating sushi are noting but a raw deal, health officials claim to have everything on tape (worm).

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The post Man Gets Prison Smuggling King Cobras In Potato Chip Canisters appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

LA Thieves Make Off With 2nd Ambulance in a Week

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Ambulance.jpg 500w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />LA Thieves Make Off With 2nd Ambulance in a Week:  The Los Angeles Fire Department reports that for the second time in a week, thieves have made off with an ambulance in the LA area.  Yea, well – knowing LA, its probably all part of a publicity stunt for a new video game – “Grand Theft Ambulance.”

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Hand-Dryers-768x5... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Hand-Dryers.jpg 850w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Restroom Hand Dryers Suck Up Fecal Matter and Spray Them Out:  A new study found that hand dryers in public restrooms suck up fecal bacteria from the air and spew it out at a rapid speed everywhere.  Researchers say that while the dryers do indeed spread bacteria, drying your hands with them is still a lot more sanitary than say – licking a toilet seat.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Franky-Boy-Cali.jpg 700w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Gambino Crime Family to Name New Leader:  Law-enforcement officials say that the Gambino crime family has finally decided on Francesco “Franky Boy” Cali as the new leader of the 750-member organization.  When asked for a response, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said a big shake-up like this has been long overdue given that James Gandolfini has been dead for a while now. 

The post LA Thieves Make Off With 2nd Ambulance in a Week appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Strangers on Delta Flight Caught Having Oral Sex in Their Seats

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Delta-Airlines.jpg 384w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Strangers on Delta Flight Caught Having Oral Sex in Their Seats:  A 28-year-old man and a 48-year-old woman – who had just met while sitting next to each other on a Delta flight from Los Angeles to Detroit – face possible felony charges after the woman was caught in the act of giving oral sex to the male passenger.

 

Wow, I have to admit that before I looked at their ages, I was thinking “why would Harvey Weinstein be flying to Detroit?”  That said, this was kind of a creative way to use-up those air miles travel points.  I mean, who needs Pornhub when you can just grab yourself a quick flight to Detroit?  And to think industry analysts were just reporting how hard its been for airlines to fill up their flights to Detroit…not anymore!

 

But come on, all kidding aside – this was rather inconsiderate on the part of these two.  I mean, suppose one of the other passengers sitting nearby had a “nut” allergy?  That said, several passengers did remark about how this was certainly a hell of a lot more entertaining than those crappy in-flight movies.  Regardless, everyone knows passengers are not supposed to have full access to the cockpit during a flight.  And even if the plane were going down, that doesn’t necessarily mean the passengers have to.

 

Anyway, after being caught in the act, flight attendants instructed the female passenger to “please return her fellow passenger to his upright position.”  Of course, if this guy was really smart, he should have just thrown his jacket over her head and claimed she was simply having a set of mild seizures.  Meanwhile, after the plane landed, an attorney for the female passenger told reporters her defense would likely be “if the mouth doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”

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The post Strangers on Delta Flight Caught Having Oral Sex in Their Seats appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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Madonna Reveals to Fans She’s Moved to Portugal

Madonna Reveals to Fans She’s Moved to Portugal:  Madonna has informed her fans on social media that she’s relocated to Portugal for the foreseeable future, with the 59-year-old star adding that she moved there after falling in love with the “energy.”  Well, I suppose if she ever gets bored in Portugal, she can always buy herself a few more orphans – assuming Angelina Jolie hasn’t already snatched them all up.

 

Evangelical Leaders Blaming Gays for Hurricane Harvey:  LGBTQ Americans have caused the country billions of dollars in structural damage, killed dozens of people, and displaced thousands more from their homes, according to evangelical figures who are claiming gay people caused Hurricane Harvey.  Really?  While I’m no meteorologist, I get a sense that even with Hurricane Harvey’s 140 MPH wind gusts, the storm would still have a hard time competing with these windbags.

 

Rare September Rainstorm Hits Los Angeles Area:  Heaven help us! It’s actually raining here in Calabasas (West San Fernando Valley in LA) in September. What kind of crazy, mixed up world are we living in anyway? Those people in Houston think they’ve got it bad, why people here in LA are getting their hair all wet and ruining hairdos everywhere I look. Oh, the humanity!

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The post Madonna Reveals to Fans She’s Moved to Portugal appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Trump Calls Out Alt-Left for Charlottesville Violence

Trump Calls Out Alt-Left for Charlottesville Violence:  In perhaps his most bizarre press conference yet, President Donald Trump once again refused to forcefully denounce white supremacist protesters, instead basically laying blame for the Charlottesville violence on what he described as the “alt-left,” and then took some time to also promote his Virginia winery.  Wow, that was quick.  Donald must’ve taken a nice lunch meeting with Steve Bannon.  So if I understand the President correctly, he was basically telling the white supremacists “I support you and your racist views, but I disavow hate – but only on both sides.”  That ought to put everyone’s fears to rest.

 

LA and Honolulu Have Worst Traffic in US:  According to a recent study, Honolulu was ranked as having the second-worst traffic in the nation, only behind Los Angeles.  OK, but the question is, where would you really rather be stuck in traffic?

 

 

Gov’t Warns Against Using Hair Conditioner Following Nuclear Blast:  The Homeland Security website Ready.gov is posting a warning to citizens that – following a nuclear blast – you should wash your hair with shampoo but do not use conditioner, because conditioner can bind radioactive material to your hair.  And while its awfully nice of the Trump Administration to offer free doomsday grooming advice – I suspect that if you’re near where a nuclear bomb went off – you can pretty much expect to have a “bad hair day,” whether you use conditioner or not.  And while I’m neither hair stylist nor nuclear scientist, judging from his recent photographs, it certainly appears that Mr Trump may have used conditioner.

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The post Trump Calls Out Alt-Left for Charlottesville Violence appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Stem Cell Brain Implants Could Slow Aging Process in Humans

Stem Cell Brain Implants Could Slow Aging Process in Humans:  Scientists announced they have slowed down the aging process in animals by implanting stem cells into the hypothalamus region of their brains, raising hopes that implants into the “almond-sized” hypothalamus of humans could help combat age-related diseases and therefore extend the human lifespan.  In related news, Trader Joe’s has almonds on sale all this week for just $4.99 a pound, but researchers caution that while this may be a great bargain, there’s no hard evidence that purchasing discounted almonds at Trader Joe’s will do anything to increase the human lifespan.

 

Half Our Bodies’ Atoms Formed Beyond Milky Way:  Astronomers say nearly half of the atoms that make up our bodies may have formed beyond the Milky Way and traveled to our solar system on intergalactic winds driven by giant exploding stars.  Yea, and a good portion of the other half of our bodies formed because we ate too many Milky Ways.

 

Man Accused of Smuggling King Cobras in Potato Chip Canisters:  A Los Angeles man has been arrested after federal prosecutors say he arranged to smuggle three highly venomous king cobra snakes into the United States hidden in potato chip canisters.  What I wanna know is, who’s job was it to stuff the snakes into the potato chip canisters?  Talk about coming through when the chips are down.  I suppose it goes without saying that he told the snakes “I bet you can’t eat just one.”

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The post Stem Cell Brain Implants Could Slow Aging Process in Humans appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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Trump Admits Wall Will Cover Less Than Half of Border

Trump Admits Wall Will Cover Less Than Half of Border:  Donald Trump conceded his much-touted southern wall along the US-Mexican border may end up covering less than half of the 2,000-mile frontier.  Hell, if they scale down this frigg’n wall any further, even Gary Busey might be able to pay for it.  My only question is, if only half the wall will is gonna be built, will it be the part on the Mexico side or the US side?

 

Escaped Camel Terrorizes Motorists North of LA:  Local authorities report that a camel escaped from a property 50 miles north of Los Angeles and reportedly terrorized frightened drivers who were trapped in their vehicles before police were finally able to capture the animal.  I guess its gonna come as no surprise to anyone that the camel decided to escape on “hump day.”  Wildlife officials say the camel appeared to be in good health, but he did appear to be retaining water.

 

Texas Man Arrives for Jury Duty Drunk With Beer:  A 23-year-old Texas man has been arrested after he reported for jury duty intoxicated and with a beer poured into a Coca-Cola cup.  I guess no one bothered to explain to the poor redneck its supposed to be a jury of one’s peers, not a jury of one’s beers.

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The post Trump Admits Wall Will Cover Less Than Half of Border appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Dennis Rodman Heading Back To North Korea

Dennis Rodman Heading Back To North Korea:  Former NBA star Dennis Rodman is reportedly heading back to North Korea for another visit with dictator Kim Jong-un.  That doesn’t make any sense.  Why bother traveling all the way to North Korea when we have our own fat, tyrannical, dictator wannabe right here in the USA?

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Parrots-300x300.jpg 300w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Parrots-768x768.jpg 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Parrots.jpg 900w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Parrots Blamed for LA Area Power Outage:  A recent Southern California Edison power outage in the Hermosa Beach area of Los Angeles is being blamed on wild parrots on power poles.  Wow, who could have known that “Pauly wants a power pole!”  Edison officials say they were finally able to crack the case after they captured one of the parrots who, under heavy questioning, started singing like a canary.

 

Cops Suffering from Excessive Sleepiness:  A new study found that nearly a third of police officers may suffer from excessive sleepiness, which can have serious implications for broader job performance and safety.  What the hell, did Dunkin’ Donuts run out of coffee or something?

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The post Dennis Rodman Heading Back To North Korea appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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