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Trump Wants to Put Humans on Mars in Three Years

Trump Wants to Put Humans on Mars in Three Years:  Unsatisfied with Nasa’s current plans to get humans on the Red Planet sometime in the 2030s, President Trump announced he wants people on Mars by the end of his first term, in three-and-a-half years.  Wonder if Trump realizes that Mars is know as the “Red Planet,” not the “Orange Planet?”  The way things are going, Trump would spend billions of our tax dollars sending people to Mars and as soon as they land, the first thing they see is a Yuge statue of Kim Jong Un.

 

Elderly Man Spray Painting “No Kids” in Seniors-Only Community:  Police now suspect it was another elderly man who behind the spray painting of a 63-year-old Florida man’s car in a seniors-only gated community with the message “NO KIDS,” after the man babysitted his 4-year-old granddaughter a couple of times.  Every time I hear about people committing crimes like this – I can’t help but think “where are parents?”

 

Chocolate Consumption Linked to Nobel Prizes:  A new study has found that countries with the highest consumption of chocolate also have the most Nobel Prize winners.  I don’t buy it.  I mean, simple logic tells you that if there really was a relationship between chocolate consumption and the Nobel Prize, wouldn’t nearly all Nobel Prizes be awarded to women?

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The post Trump Wants to Put Humans on Mars in Three Years appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Corey Lewandowski Compares Trump to Ernest Hemingway

Corey Lewandowski Compares Trump to Ernest Hemingway:  During a recent appearance on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show, former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski compared Donald Trump to the Nobel Prize winning author, claiming the Mr Trump is “the Ernest Hemingway of Twitter.”

 

Interesting point, and I do have to admit I rather enjoyed Trump’s latest bestseller “A Farewell to Arms – and the Tiny, Little Hands Attached to Them.”  On the other hand, I didn’t realize calling people nasty names on Twitter is suffice to warrant comparisons to Nobel Prize winning authors.  I suppose Trump would be grateful for the compliment, if only he had the slightest idea who the hell Ernest Hemingway was.

 

I mean, Hemingway wrote novels, while Trumps needs a ghostwriter for anything that goes longer than 140 characters.  And of course there’s always that pesky little fact that Hemingway actually knew how to read, write and spell – although Trump does frequently lay claim to knowing all of the best words (i.e. bigly, yuge, loser and of course – covfefe).

 

But in all fairness, I suppose there are some legitimate comparisons.  Hemingway loved bullfighting, Trump loves throwing out loads of bull crap.  Hemingway was one of America’s best writers of fiction, while nearly everything that comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth is fiction.

 

But the comparisons don’t stop there.  Hemingway received the Nobel Prize for Literature – while Trump hung Fake Time Magazine Covers featuring his picture on the clubhouse walls at his golf courses.  Sadly, Hemingway committed suicide, while President Trump is slowly committing political suicide.

 

Anyway, if Mr Trump really wants to cement a solid Hemingway comparison, I think he needs to publish a few more books.  Here’s a few suggestions for titles – ”The Old Man And His Daughter,”  “The Snow Jobs of Kiliman Jared,”  “A Farewell to Sanity” and perhaps most appropriate for the Trump legacy – “To Have and Have More!”

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The post Corey Lewandowski Compares Trump to Ernest Hemingway appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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Bob Dylan Wins Nobel Prize for Literature

Bob Dylanhttp://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Bob-Dylan-300x300... 300w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Bob-Dylan-768x768... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Bob-Dylan-1024x10... 1024w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Bob Dylan Wins Nobel Prize for Literature:  In a rather surprising move, Bob Dylan has been awarded this year’s Nobel Prize for literature.  Wow, a pop singer wins for literature – guess the times, they are a chang’in.  When asked to comment about this year’s Nobel Prize winner, novelist Dan Brown said “all I know is it ain’t me babe.”

 

Blue Planethttp://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Blue-Planet-768x7... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Blue-Planet-1015x... 1015w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Blue-Planet.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Hubble Telescope Locates Blue Planet:  Astronomers say they have spotted a giant blue planet orbiting a star 63 light-years away that has daytime temperatures of over 2,000 degrees.  And while that may seem insanely hot to some, NASA says nighttime temperatures do appear to be a bit cooler.

 

electricianStudy Finds Humans are Wired for Grammar:  A new study claims that human beings are already hard-wired for grammar such as where adjectives, nouns and numerals should occur at birth.  If its really true that we’re “wired” for grammar, I can think of a few people who probably ought to think about calling in an electrician.

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The post Bob Dylan Wins Nobel Prize for Literature appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Dylan Decides to Accept the Nobel Prize

bob-dyanDylan Decides to Accept the Nobel Prize:  After a long silence on the matter, singer-songwriter Bob Dylan has finally told the Swedish Academy that he will accept the Nobel Prize in Literature.  Perhaps he just needed a little time to think it over.  Now if I were advising him, I would have told him “don’t think twice, it’s alright.”

 

ab-circle-prohttp://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Ab-Circle-Pro-300... 300w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Ab-Circle-Pro-768... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Ab-Circle-Pro.jpg 1000w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Counterfeit Exercise Equipment Coming from China:  Los Angeles prosecutors report that a man has been sentenced to jail for bringing more than 2,000 counterfeit, Chinese-made Ab Circle Pro machines into the United States to sell.  City officials warn consumers that any pounds or inches lost using the bogus equipment will not really count.

 

mel-gibsonMel Gibson Wants to Put His Anti-Semitic Remarks Behind Him:  During an interview promoting his latest film, Mel Gibson complained he’d been hoping he could put his anti-semitic remarks made during a 2006 drunk driving arrest behind him, but people keep bringing it up.  Hell, forget the anti-semitism questions, with a picture like that – what we should be asking him is what he plans to do with the prize money should he win this year’s Saddam Hussein lookalike contest.

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The post Dylan Decides to Accept the Nobel Prize appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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Scientist Wins Nobel Prize for World’s Smallest Car

molecular-carScientist Wins Nobel Prize for World’s Smallest Car: A Dutch professor became one of the winners of this year’s Nobel Prize for Chemistry for his work in constructing a working car made from only a handful of molecules. Great – just what we need!  As if it wasn’t tough enough trying to find where the hell you parked your car before, now they wanna build cars the size of a nanometer?

 

pubic-hairPubic Hair Grooming Injuries on the Rise:  A new study in the Journal of Urology found that pubic hair grooming injuries have increased by five times over the past decade.  The simple truth is some people are good at trimming pubic hair, while others just can’t seem to make the cut.

 

hawaiiHawaii Residents Voted Less Stressed Again:  For the third year in a row, Hawaii has been voted the least stressed-out state in the Union, with Utah and Kentucky being the most stressed-out.  In fact, about the only way you can stress-out a Hawaii resident would be telling them they may have to move to Utah or Kentucky.

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The post Scientist Wins Nobel Prize for World’s Smallest Car appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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