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Osteen Claims Megachurch Didn’t Open Doors Because Houston Didn’t Ask

Osteen Claims Megachurch Didn’t Open Doors Because Houston Didn’t Ask:  Pastor Joel Osteen has been making the rounds of the talk show circuit, offering his explanation as to why he didn’t offer his 16,800-seat megachurch in Houston as a shelter sooner for those displaced by the disastrous flooding from Hurricane Harvey.  In Osteen’s defense, he probably thought there’s no point in dirtying up his church while there’s still a possibility open that someone could find Noah’s Ark.

 

Kensington Palace Announces William & Kate’s New Royal Duties:  Now that their kids are headed to school, Kensington Palace has announced a lineup of duties that Prince William and Kate Middleton will take on this fall.  And while I enjoy making jokes about the Royals, truth be known – the only throne I really care about is the one in my bathroom.  Otherwise, we’re just talking about a family of the richest public assistance recipients on earth.

 

Pet Turtles Blamed for Multi-State Salmonella Outbreak:  The CDC says pet turtles are at the heart of a multi-state outbreak of salmonella, cautioning people that “if you do handle a turtle, be sure to wash your hands thoroughly immediately afterward.”  Turtles are causing salmonella?  Why I’m totally shell-shocked!  Sure CDC – let’s blame the turtles when they know they’re too slow to get away from the accusations.  Meanwhile, I guess all the salmon get a free pass, even though the disease is right there in their name.

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The post Osteen Claims Megachurch Didn’t Open Doors Because Houston Didn’t Ask appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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Ten Top Tweets This Week

 

Here are my tweets from this week that got the most attention. Follow me on Twitter @steviegeebee

Would have love to see Prince William drop kick a fake baby into the crowd. No sense of humour

Anthony Weiner is a Re-peter

#Weiner went to sex rehab and had a Speedo recovery

Maybe Anthony Weiner was sending pics of his Budget Package

To my non-comedian friends: Please know that when you say “you should put that in your act” means I will NEVER put that in my act

Prince William admits his first phone call was to Helen Mirren

Royal baby on the way. They can see the Titular Head

Apparently singing Broadway style Journey songs is the gateway to heroin

There’s a lady who knows she has the option of Leasing a Stairway to Heaven

Rolling Stone Magazine is dead to me

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Stevie GB

Stevie GB

The World's Funniest Accountant
Holbrook, Long Island New York

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