Osteen Claims Megachurch Didn’t Open Doors Because Houston Didn’t Ask: Pastor Joel Osteen has been making the rounds of the talk show circuit, offering his explanation as to why he didn’t offer his 16,800-seat megachurch in Houston as a shelter sooner for those displaced by the disastrous flooding from Hurricane Harvey. In Osteen’s defense, he probably thought there’s no point in dirtying up his church while there’s still a possibility open that someone could find Noah’s Ark.
Kensington Palace Announces William & Kate’s New Royal Duties: Now that their kids are headed to school, Kensington Palace has announced a lineup of duties that Prince William and Kate Middleton will take on this fall. And while I enjoy making jokes about the Royals, truth be known – the only throne I really care about is the one in my bathroom. Otherwise, we’re just talking about a family of the richest public assistance recipients on earth.
Pet Turtles Blamed for Multi-State Salmonella Outbreak: The CDC says pet turtles are at the heart of a multi-state outbreak of salmonella, cautioning people that “if you do handle a turtle, be sure to wash your hands thoroughly immediately afterward.” Turtles are causing salmonella? Why I’m totally shell-shocked! Sure CDC – let’s blame the turtles when they know they’re too slow to get away from the accusations. Meanwhile, I guess all the salmon get a free pass, even though the disease is right there in their name.
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