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Evangelist Claims Death Planet Will Destroy Earth September 23rd

Evangelist Claims Death Planet Will Destroy Earth September 23rd:  Christian conspiracy theorist David Meade is predicting the planet Nibiru (aka Planet-X), which he claims is inhabited by an advanced alien race called the Annunaki, will collide with Earth on September 23rd and the only people who’ll survive will be government employees who will safely flee into secret underground bunkers.

 

Oh crap, I have a DMV appointment on the 24th and it took me forever to get that appointment – not to mention I’m pretty sure my cable company bills me a month in advance.  What a waste of money!  Is it just me, or do these apocalypses always seem to come at the most inconvenient times?  It just doesn’t seem fair.

 

Now, the only question remaining is which part of our big, flat earth will Nibiru actually collide into?  My guess would be one of the Red States as aliens nearly always seem to prefer making contact with people from the deep South – especially if they happen to be living in trailers.  And while I’m certainly no subscriber to conspiracy theories, I’ll admit I’ve been busy learning to speak Annunaki, just in case.  It doesn’t hurt to cover all your bases and besides, David Meade has all his Annunaki language lessons on sale right now.

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The post Evangelist Claims Death Planet Will Destroy Earth September 23rd appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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Martin Shkreli to Be Jailed Over Hillary Clinton Threat

Martin Shkreli to Be Jailed Over Hillary Clinton Threat:  Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli was ordered jailed in light of what a judge termed the “danger inherent in Shkreli’s Facebook recent post” offering a $5,000 reward to anyone who snags-off a lock of Hillary Clinton’s hair.  Sounds like the only “lock” Mr Shkreli can expect from this point on will be the lock closing tightly on his jail cell door.

 

Georgia Man Shoots Wandering Elderly Man With Alzheimer’s:  A 34-year-old Walker County, Georgia man shot and killed a 72-year-old man he assumed was a prowler on his porch, but who turned out an elderly man with advanced Alzheimer’s disease.  A check of local ordinances found that under Georgia law, the only time its justified to shoot someone who’s on your porch is when they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses or possibly Girl Scouts pushing cookies – and then only if they’re completely out of Thin Mints.

 

Ted Cruz Claims It Wasn’t Him Who Liked Porn Video:  The controversy over Ted Cruz’s personal Twitter account “liking” a hardcore porn video continues after the Republican senator from Texas doubled down on his denial, claiming it wasn’t he, but actually an unnamed staffer who did it.  Well, the Bible does say in (Ps. 23:4) “thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.”  Who knew just how much comfort that would entail?  Anyway, go ahead and deny it all you want, but just remember Ted – every time you masturbate to pornography – Jesus kills a little puppy.  I suggest the good senator try exercising a little “Cruz Control” in the future.

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The post Martin Shkreli to Be Jailed Over Hillary Clinton Threat appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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