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Evangelist Claims Death Planet Will Destroy Earth September 23rd

Evangelist Claims Death Planet Will Destroy Earth September 23rd:  Christian conspiracy theorist David Meade is predicting the planet Nibiru (aka Planet-X), which he claims is inhabited by an advanced alien race called the Annunaki, will collide with Earth on September 23rd and the only people who’ll survive will be government employees who will safely flee into secret underground bunkers.

 

Oh crap, I have a DMV appointment on the 24th and it took me forever to get that appointment – not to mention I’m pretty sure my cable company bills me a month in advance.  What a waste of money!  Is it just me, or do these apocalypses always seem to come at the most inconvenient times?  It just doesn’t seem fair.

 

Now, the only question remaining is which part of our big, flat earth will Nibiru actually collide into?  My guess would be one of the Red States as aliens nearly always seem to prefer making contact with people from the deep South – especially if they happen to be living in trailers.  And while I’m certainly no subscriber to conspiracy theories, I’ll admit I’ve been busy learning to speak Annunaki, just in case.  It doesn’t hurt to cover all your bases and besides, David Meade has all his Annunaki language lessons on sale right now.

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The post Evangelist Claims Death Planet Will Destroy Earth September 23rd appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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Stem Cell Brain Implants Could Slow Aging Process in Humans

Stem Cell Brain Implants Could Slow Aging Process in Humans:  Scientists announced they have slowed down the aging process in animals by implanting stem cells into the hypothalamus region of their brains, raising hopes that implants into the “almond-sized” hypothalamus of humans could help combat age-related diseases and therefore extend the human lifespan.  In related news, Trader Joe’s has almonds on sale all this week for just $4.99 a pound, but researchers caution that while this may be a great bargain, there’s no hard evidence that purchasing discounted almonds at Trader Joe’s will do anything to increase the human lifespan.

 

Half Our Bodies’ Atoms Formed Beyond Milky Way:  Astronomers say nearly half of the atoms that make up our bodies may have formed beyond the Milky Way and traveled to our solar system on intergalactic winds driven by giant exploding stars.  Yea, and a good portion of the other half of our bodies formed because we ate too many Milky Ways.

 

Man Accused of Smuggling King Cobras in Potato Chip Canisters:  A Los Angeles man has been arrested after federal prosecutors say he arranged to smuggle three highly venomous king cobra snakes into the United States hidden in potato chip canisters.  What I wanna know is, who’s job was it to stuff the snakes into the potato chip canisters?  Talk about coming through when the chips are down.  I suppose it goes without saying that he told the snakes “I bet you can’t eat just one.”

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The post Stem Cell Brain Implants Could Slow Aging Process in Humans appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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