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Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Earths-Magnetic-F... 438w" sizes="(max-width: 248px) 100vw, 248px" />Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip:  Scientists say the Earth’s magnetic poles appear to be ready to flip for the first time in 780,000 years, which could allow in lethal levels of radiation and cause a cascading mass blackout of the power grid – ultimately rendering areas of the planet uninhabitable.

 

Good grief, if the Earth’s magnetic fields do get reversed, does that mean we’ll all need to retrain our toilets?  I’m just asking for a friend.  And will the Earth actually flip, or will it flop?  Before you laugh all this off as complete nonsense, wasn’t this the same message they gave the inhabitants of Krypton?  Think about that my friend.  I mean, if you think your GPS gets you lost now…

 

One thing’s for sure, if the Earth does flip – Trump will claim credit for it.  Either that, or if it doesn’t work out so well, he’ll blame it on the Mexicans.  I mean, he’s already begun telling supporters that “true north was nothing but a big fat lie.”  Personally, I think there’s pretty good evidence that Trump may have already flipped.  On a positive note, in an attempt to offset any possible polarity reversals, politicians in Washington have already begun talking backwards.

 

But thinking about how parts the Earth may eventually become uninhabitable, makes me realize that communities like Cleveland were actually way ahead of their time.  I’m from that area originally, and it kind of makes me proud.  That said, there are, of course, gonna be some negatives – like we’d all better get used to the idea of walking on our ceilings.  And needing to use a mirror to read our compasses.  And of course, Kim and Kayne will inevitably have to rename their first child which they called North West.

 

And while I’m no scientist, I think this whole mess could be easily avoided.  I mean, if the Earth is really bipolar – why not just send it to a therapist or give it some lithium before its too late?  Isn’t it time we start thinking about just what the hell is Keith Richards supposed to do after everybody else is gone from the face of the Earth?

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The post Scientists Concerned Earth’s Magnetic Poles About to Flip appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Scientists Say Alien Star Sideswiped Our Solar System

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Alien-Star-768x46... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Alien-Star-1024x6... 1024w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Alien-Star.jpg 1484w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Scientists Say Alien Star Sideswiped Our Solar System:  Astronomers say that some 70,000 years ago, when humans and Neanderthals shared the planet, an alien star streaked through the outer edges of our solar system and jostled its contents.  We need to erect a wall around our solar system and we need to get the Andromeda galaxy to pay for it.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fossil-Find.jpg 336w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Bored 6-Year-Old Discovered a 65-Million-Year-Old Fossil:  A 6-year-old girl got bored while watching her sister’s JV soccer game in Bend, Oregon – wandered away from the field and started digging in a nearby bush and uncovered a 65-million-year-old fossil.  After hearing about the little girl’s find, President Trump immediately recommended she be appointed Chairman of Paleontology for the National Museum of Natural History.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/John-Bolton.jpg 574w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Trump Names War Hawk John Bolton as National Security Adviser:  President Trump announced he will be naming Fox News commentator and conservative firebrand John Bolton, who recently advocated the US pull a preemptive nuclear strike on North Korea and Iran.  Between starting a trade war with China and the EU, along with Bolton’s appointment – Wall Street cautions they may be forced to downgrade the President’s status from “Moron” to “Imbecile.”  On the plus side, if Trump continues his efforts to send the economy down the tubes, I suppose we wouldn’t be a very attractive target to North Korea and Iran anyway.

The post Scientists Say Alien Star Sideswiped Our Solar System appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Trump Proposes Cutting 248 Meteorologists from Tornado Alley

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Dangerous-Tornado... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Dangerous-Tornado... 1024w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Dangerous-Tornado... 1167w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Trump Proposes Cutting 248 Meteorologists from Tornado Alley:  President Trump is proposing gutting the National Weather Service in an area of the country that depends on forecasters and meteorologists to protect them from extreme weather events such as tornados.  On a positive note, the President promised that should a horrific storm manage to sneak up on them without warning – rendering massive devastation and death to the area, he’ll ask the rest of the country to send lots of “thoughts and prayers” their way.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Andromeda-Galaxy-... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Andromeda-Galaxy.jpg 800w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Study Finds Milky Way Galaxy Will Not Be Eaten By Andromeda:  Scientists say new research is showing that our own Milky Way galaxy will not be eaten by our closest neighbor galaxy Andromeda as was previously thought.  A NASA spokesperson said our tests indicate the Andromeda galaxy is most likely lactose intolerant, so consuming a Milky Way galaxy would not be a smart food choice for our neighbor Andromeda.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Tesla-in-Space-76... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Tesla-in-Space.jpg 960w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Musk’s Tesla Will Stay in Space for Millions of Years:  Analysis by Czech and Canadian researchers determined that the Tesla roadster Elon Musk launched into space is likely to stay there for tens of millions of years before finally crashing into either Earth or Venus.  Automotive experts are quick to caution anyone hoping to snag themselves a cheap Tesla at that time – that the warranty and any price incentives will most likely have long run out on the vehicle by then.

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The post Trump Proposes Cutting 248 Meteorologists from Tornado Alley appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Trump’s Air Force One Refrigerator Upgrade to Cost $24M

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Air-Force-One.jpg 590w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Trump’s Air Force One Refrigerator Upgrade to Cost $24M:  The Trump administration has just signed a new contract with Boeing to upgrade two food refrigeration chilling systems on Air Force One for a whopping $24 million.

 

Gee, at those prices, let’s hope they at least got free delivery.  Wonder if the White House is signed up for Amazon Prime?  Anyway, to be completely fair, I’ve also read that our astronaut’s spacesuits cost well over a million bucks each.  On the other hand, they do come with two pairs of pants – so there’s that.  The way I look at it, who cares how expensive something Trump orders costs?  Hell, he never pays his suppliers anyway.

 

Sure, paying $24 million for a couple of lousy refrigerators may seem like a lot, but what’s important to remember is that Trump also just imposed a 30% tariff on all appliance imports.  Keep that up and before you know it, we’ll ALL be paying $24 million for a refrigerator.  Good grief, I shudder to think how many cheeseburgers you can hold in a $24 million refrigerator.  Guess that’s one way to show the world that the plane you’re flying on isn’t from some sh*thole country.

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The post Trump’s Air Force One Refrigerator Upgrade to Cost $24M appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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CIA Director Mike Pompeo Met Secretly With Kim Jong-un

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Kim-amd-Pompeo.jpg 750w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />CIA Director Mike Pompeo Met Secretly With Kim Jong-un:  The Washington Post is re[porting that CIA Director Mike Pompeo secretly met with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un over the Easter weekend.  Now about the only question that remains to be answered is – can they convince Kim to agree to offer Trump asylum after the Mueller investigation closes in?

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Starbucks-768x576... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Starbucks.jpg 950w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Starbucks to Close All Stores in May for Racial Bias Training:  Starbucks announced it will close all 8,000 of its US stores for the afternoon of May 29th, while it conducts what it called “racial bias training” in light of the recent arrest of two black men who were waiting in one the coffee giant’s Philadelphia locations.  Hell, Starbucks employees don’t need no stinking training.  They appear to be pretty damn good at racial bias already.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Meteorite.jpeg 301w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Scientists Say Meteorite Filled with Diamonds are From Lost Planet:  Scientists say diamonds found inside a meteorite have revealed the story of a “lost planet,” dating back to the era when our solar system was first formed.  Come on, a lost planet?  Now just how the hell do you lose a planet and why does it have to be the one full off diamonds?  One thing’s for sure, this just goes to show how wealthy those aliens are – if they can afford to throw diamonds at us!

The post CIA Director Mike Pompeo Met Secretly With Kim Jong-un appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Aliens on Super-Earth Planets May Be Trapped by Gravity

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Super-Earths-768x... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Super-Earths-1024... 1024w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Super-Earths.jpg 1217w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Aliens on Super-Earth Planets May Be Trapped by Gravity:  Researchers say that while so-called super-earths may be the most likely class of exoplanets to support life, the gravity on them would be so powerful, it would make it very unlikely any beings on them would even be able to leave their planet.  

 

Either that, or they’re a civilization of Trump supporters – and they believe their super-earth is flat and the sky above then is totally fake.  From that point of view, what would be the point of trying to leave?  Or perhaps these beings reside on an exoplanet planet made almost entirely of Velveeta cheese – and their alien civilization has become so addicted to grilled cheese sandwiches, they can’t bare to leave.  As you can see, there’s so many possible answers here. 

 

That said, one thing most scientists do agree upon is that the gravity on these super exoplanets planets would be so profound, it would be nearly impossible for any aliens living there to unzip their flies just to take a leak – and they most likely would be forced to pee right in their pants.  Obviously, life on a massive super-earth isn’t quite as glamorous as some make it out to be.  As for me – all I know is that gravity is the force allowing me to remain on my couch for long periods of time watching cable TV – and for that, I’m eternally grateful.

The post Aliens on Super-Earth Planets May Be Trapped by Gravity appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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New Dinosaurs Being Discovered in Record Numbers

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/T.-Rex-Bones-768x... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/T.-Rex-Bones-1024... 1024w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />New Dinosaurs Being Discovered in Record Numbers:  Scientists say the frequency of new dinosaur discoveries has spiked dramatically in the past twenty years or so – and many of those new finds are dramatically changing everything we had previously thought we knew about these monstrous beasts.

 

You bet it is!  Let’s take for example the giant flying dinosaur named Pterodactylus.  Who could have known that the “P” in Pterodactylus is actually silent?  There was no indication of that in the fossil record until recently.  Or how about the fact that Bigfoot was actually only a size 8 shoe?  One may legitimately wonder why podiatrists have been silence on this issue for all these years.

 

Then, there’s the recently discovered fact that T. Rex was not a predator at all, but actually a scavenger who had feathers.  While I’m no paleontologist, I’m guessing that must mean that these theropods were essentially homeless, cross-dressers.  And who could have guessed a giant, monster with a name like “Godzilla” considered itself an atheist – or, at the very least – an agnostic?

 

Now my guess is they’re eventually gonna find that it wasn’t an asteroid that killed off the dinosaurs, but smoking.  Most people don’t realize these beasts were extremely heavy smokers.  And they lived in an era long before there any warning labels on cigarette packs.  Let that set in for a minute.

 

Anyway, there are just so many unanswered questions, it can all seem a bit overwhelming for many of us.  Luckily, we here in America are very fortunate to have people like Vice President Mike Pence around – who is not the least bit shy about explaining it all to us.

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The post New Dinosaurs Being Discovered in Record Numbers appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Man’s Rectum Falls Out While Sitting on Toilet

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Loses-Rectum.jpg 748w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />

Man’s Rectum Falls Out While Sitting on Toilet:  Doctors in China say a man had been sitting on the toilet for half an hour playing mobile phone games when his rectum fell out of his body.  Doctors caution that while they expect the man to make a full recovery, this is another example of how people can really end up losing their ass – if all they do is just sit around, playing video games all day.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/NASA-Photo-150x15... 150w" sizes="(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px" />NASA Spacecraft Takes Photos From 4 Billion Miles Away:  The NASA New Horizons spacecraft, which gave us close-ups of Pluto, has just set the record by taking a photograph of a star cluster while 3.79 billion miles from Earth – the farthest photograph ever taken.  Lead Trump science advisor and televangelist Jim Bakker says he has his doubts the picture is authentic and claims the image more like the right-front headlight of a 1954 DeSoto to him.

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Serial-Killer.jpg 750w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Neighbors Say Serial Killer Did Landscaping at Nearby Apartments:  Neighbors in Canada say they had no idea that a serial killer, accused of killing at least six people and stuffing them into planter boxes – also did work on nearby properties.  Republican National Committee chairwoman Ronna McDaniel called it refreshing to learn that there’s actually violent criminals out there who are not associated with the White House staff.

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The post Man’s Rectum Falls Out While Sitting on Toilet appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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