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Government Encourages Swearing in Schools

tourettes

A dramatic and controversial change in UK school rules will mean that from the beginning of the next term, children will be allowed to swear in class.

This new ruling, suggested by Education Secretary Michael Gove, is in response to growing anger from parents of children with Tourette’s syndrome, a neurological condition which makes a child uncontrollably swear or have other unusual physical tics. It has been alleged that Tourette’s sufferers are feeling like outcasts in society and are not accepted. This new scheme has been piloted in Lancaster schools, and since the new term in January has proven to be an unmitigated success and will be rolled out nationwide after Easter.

Petra Peterson, a sufferer herself and chairwoman of the charity Tourette’s Intolerance Teaching Society (TITS), was visibly pleased with the news, “I am thrilled that someone is standing up and making a stand, good old Gove… perforated ass wipes People need to take us seriously… bug toasted poo smear Now children won’t know who has Tourette’s and we will finally fit in. It really doesn’t disturb anyone in class, so… inappropriate nipple hardening I think teachers will manage to adapt to the new… crinkled sock snot rules pretty easily.”

Interim Executive Director of Children’s Services at Lancashire County Council, Ms Louise Taylor, who headed-up the pilot, wasn’t so sure, “They say it was a success but we have found a huge upsurge in children suffering from Tourette’s in class. During the Lancaster pilot we found that rather than 0.8% of children displaying symptoms, it was around 74%. We do suspect, although we can’t be certain, that some children are just using it as an excuse to say things like ‘belching buttocks’ in class.”

Michael Gove responded to some criticism by saying, “We protect all manner of colours and creeds from prejudice in the UK, so why shouldn’t we look after the sufferers of this debilitating disease? As a government, we are truly proud of this new law and hope that it is embraced by all. We have spoken to the Oxford English Dictionary people, who have agreed to put all swear words in the next edition. This will make them as natural as saying ‘would you like beef gravy with that?’. We have cross-party support on this as the opposition leader, Ed Milliband, is a sufferer himself. Well, we think he is, he does spout a load of crap.”

One parent we spoke to said, “This is utter nonsense… toe sucking with pickles… I never felt singled out in school, it was… speckled bosom mints a pleasure every day. How can they bring such… smelly eggy wafts a stupid, illogical law in?”

This is certainly a shocking turn of events. How do you feel about swearing in the classroom? Should it be allowed just to protect the few who suffer from Tourette’s? Are children pretending to have a disease just to allow them to swear? We would love to know what you think. Contact us via our contact form on the contact page of our contact website.

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