Thursday , 14 December 2017
News Alert!
  • Welcome to our new mobile friendly theme!
  • Try clicking on a comedian's picture in their joke or video!
  • Check out our awesome sharing options!
  • Click on the topic picture in a joke or video for more on that topic
  • Youtube import is working again!

Swimming

How Recent: 1 Year
Staff Picks
My Comics
Show Everyting

Irish Town Complains Viagra Factory Fumes Giving Men Erections

Irish Town Complains Viagra Factory Fumes Giving Men Erections:  Despite repeated company denials, the residents of Ringaskiddy, Ireland are claiming that its citizens have been prone toward unwanted erections and arousal ever since Pfizer started manufacturing the ED drug Viagra in their community back in 1998.  Experts say that even if it were true, it would be really “hard” to prove because the erection rumors are being met with stiff opposition from the scientific community.  In response, local officials caution that if your erection lasts over four hours, consider moving to another town.

 

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell Signs $200M Contract Extension:  NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has signed a five-year, $200 million contract extension to remain in his role through 2024.  And, to add to all the fun – Congress just gave him a brand new tax break on that $200 million.

 

Duck-Dinosaur Hybrid Baffles Scientists:  Scientists announced the discovery of a rather puzzling new carnivorous dinosaur that walked like an ostrich, could swim like a penguin with its flippers, had a bill like a duck, a neck like a swan, all topped-off with killer claws and teeth like a crocodile.  While jubilant scientists were expressing excitement over the scientific implications of the find, Trump supporters were thinking “and just in time for duck season!”

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Irish Town Complains Viagra Factory Fumes Giving Men Erections appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
Laugh Blast!
jokes and videos in your inbox

Site Tip!

Did you know that all these joke and video posts are really comedian trading cards? Try clicking on a comedian's picture in their post and watch the magic.

Cretaceous Era Frilled Shark Found Swimming Off Coast of Portugal

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Frilled-Shark-768... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Frilled-Shark.jpg 800w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Cretaceous Era Frilled Shark Found Swimming Off Coast of Portugal:  A prehistoric, dinosaur-era shark with really bizarre-looking teeth – usually found at ocean depths as deep as 4200 ft – and of which scientists say has remained basically unchanged for the past 80 million years, has been found swimming off the coast of Portugal.

 

I don’t wanna sound cynical, but it looks more like an eel with tonsillitis to me, but what do I know?  But OK – should I ever find myself at 4200 ft below sea level off the coast of Portugal, I’ll be sure to look one up.  That said, now that they’ve actually got a photograph of the frilled shark – it’s almost like “the frill is gone.”

 

Surprisingly, scientists are claiming the animal hasn’t really changed in the last 80 million years – which I think is rather difficult to prove  – given that all the photographs we have from 80 million years ago are pretty yellow and grainy by now.  Plus, you can’t completely rule out the possibility that it may be lying about its age.

 

Meanwhile, fundamentalists claim this isn’t real and that the picture was photoshopped – which is just crazy if you ask me – because everyone knows Photoshop didn’t even exist back in the Cretaceous Period.  On the other hand, all Trump supporters want to know is will it taste good with tartar sauce all over it?  On a positive note, those familiar with the discovery say that – as far as we know, the creature has never been approached by Kevin Spacey.

SaveSave

SaveSave

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Cretaceous Era Frilled Shark Found Swimming Off Coast of Portugal appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Trump Gives Bizarre Speech to Attendees of 2017 Boy Scout Jamboree

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Donald-Trump-300x... 300w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Donald-Trump.jpeg 410w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />Trump Gives Bizarre Speech to Attendees of 2017 Boy Scout Jamboree:  President Donald Trump gave an absolutely bizarre speech at the 2017 Boy Scout Jamboree, regaling the youngsters with tales of attending cocktail get-togethers with “hot” guests and playboy industrialists, sharing nightlife tips, bragging about his election win and leading the scouts in a massive boo for ex-President Barack Obama.  Gee, I can hardly wait to hear what he plans to tell the Girl Scouts.  About the only thing missing from the speech were hints about how scouts should consider buying their merit badges instead of going through all that stupid crap to get them.  After all, everyone knows doing the work and actually earning your rewards is for suckers.

 

Michael Phelps Races a Great White Shark:  As part of Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, Olympic great Michael Phelps raced a simulated great white shark over a 100m course, finishing just two seconds slower than the simulated great white.  Oh for God’s sake, what’ll they think of next?  Trump and Steve Bannon racing a great white supremacist?

 

Heavy Drinking Will Kill 63,000 Over Next Five Years:  Doctors in the UK warn that nearly 63,000 people in that country will die over the next five years from liver problems linked to heavy drinking.  In response, Trump officials are urging any Americans who may be considered heavy drinkers – not to move to England.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Trump Gives Bizarre Speech to Attendees of 2017 Boy Scout Jamboree appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Site Tip!

Did you know that comedians love it when you spread their jokes around? Check out our nifty share options () that help you help them at the bottom of each post.

Fox Fires its Head of Sports Programming

Fox Fires its Head of Sports Programming:  Fox has fired Sports Programming head Jamie Horowitz a week after the network began investigating allegations of sexual harassment in the workplace in its sports division.  Well, when you consider sexual harassment has always been sort of a sport in and of itself over at Fox, I guess having it occur in their sports division just makes sense.

 

White House Denies Office of Science and Technology Now Empty:  The White House is denying reports by former staffers that one division within the Office of Science and Technology Policy is now completely unstaffed and empty.  The White House claims its all just a misunderstanding and the only reason the office is currently vacant is that their top scientist Ken Ham had a few issues to attend to at his Ark Encounter Theme Park back in Kentucky before he begins his stint as chief science advisor to the President.

 

Starbucks Worker Who Mysteriously Vanished During Break Found Alive:  A North Carolina Starbucks worker who clocked out for a scheduled break and never returned has been found alive nearly a week later nearly 200 miles away in Virginia Beach.  I don’t wanna sound critical, but I ordered a latte earlier this evening at a Starbucks here in LA and I could swear by the time I finally got my drink, I believe my barista could have walked to Virginia Beach and back – perhaps even taking time out for a quick swim in the Atlantic.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Fox Fires its Head of Sports Programming appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Today's Featured Hot Topics

Most Popular