Health officials report that swine flu can be transmitted through direct contact with pigs--really bad news for Bill Clinton.

But health officials are debating whether nausea, headaches, and diarrhea aren't just symptoms of living in New Jersey.  

My doctor wants me to get the swine flu vaccine; said it's "perfectly
safe". It's just my rabbi who thinks there's something "not kosher'
with it.

Doctors now think that just one dose, rather than two, of the new swine
flu vaccine looks strong enough to protect adults. I might still demand
that second dose, but I don't want to look like a pig.

...The Atascadero State Hospital for the insane has been evacuated because of an outbreak of the H1N1 virus.  State officials are referring to the crisis as "one flu over the cuckoo's nest."  

I think I got swine flu. Last nite I slept with some pigs in a blanket .

The Center for Disease Control said the symptoms of swine flu include fever, aches, and an uncontrollable desire to roll in the mud.