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Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce

Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce:  Anthony Scaramucci’s wife of three years is reportedly fed up with his ruthless quest to get close to President Trump – whom she reportedly despises – and has filed for divorce from the new White House communications director.  Rumor has it her attorneys are asking that the country be included in the divorce settlement.  Anyway, it might be a good idea for someone to let Ann Coulter know the Mooch is available.  Of course, if everything else fails, his boss can always set him up with a couple of hot Russian hookers.

 

New Drug Approved for Curved Penis Condition:  Men with a condition that causes a curvature of the penis now have a drug treatment option that has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration.  I once knew a guy who had this condition – and, not to anyone’s surprise, the car he drove was a Bentley.

 

Trump Once Summoned Priebus and Ordered Him to Kill a Fly:  The Washington Post is reporting that President Trump once summoned Chief of Staff Reince Priebus to his office and ordered him to kill a fly that was buzzing around the room.  Those present say the situation turned into conflict when Reince immediately started swatting Kellyanne with a flyswatter.

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The post Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Putin Orders 755 Personnel Cut From U.S. Missions

Putin Orders 755 Personnel Cut From U.S. Missions:  In response to new U.S. sanctions, Russian President Vladimir Putin ordered that the U.S. diplomatic missions in Moscow and elsewhere in the country will have to cut 755 staff members.  Putin said under his new directive, senior diplomatic staff will be cut with sharp, pointy objects, while lower functionaries will only receive paper cuts.

 

Outback Steakhouse Accused of Being Satanic:  Outback Steakhouse is facing a PR nightmare after a fundamentalist Christian went on Twitter and posted a graphic with lines drawn connecting Outback Steakhouse locations in several cities that see appeared to some to form a pentagram, causing many Christians to conclude that the restaurant chain is satanist.  The situation only worsened at a press conference Outback called to deny the allegations when someone called out “you’re devil worshipers” and the Outback spokesperson yelled back “like hell we are!”

 

Regular Alcohol Drinkers Have Lower Risk of Diabetes:  According to a new study that looked at more than 70,000 Danish people, those who drink small to moderate amounts of alcohol on a frequent basis are less likely to develop diabetes than people who don’t drink at all.  Now, of course I’m no medical professional, but just on the surface – I’d have to say drinking sounds like it would be a hell of a lot more fun than diabetes.

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The post Putin Orders 755 Personnel Cut From U.S. Missions appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Bill Nye Sues Disney Over $9M Underpayment

Bill Nye Sues Disney Over $9M Underpayment:  Television personality and scientist Bill Nye the Science Guy is suing Disney and several of its subsidiaries claiming the conglomerate underpaid him by at least $9 million for his popular television series.  Sources close to the situation say snarky Disney executives told Bill Nye “we paid you correctly, just do the math.”  And so, much to Disney’s chagrin – he did.  Bottom line – you don’t wanna tell a science guy to “do the math.”

 

New Study Determines Average Penis Size:  A new survey of 1,661 men found that the average size of an American man’s penis is 5.6 inches (14.2 centimeters) long when erect.  The study also found that just because someone acts like a big dick doesn’t necessarily mean they have a large penis.  Either way, its seems rather sad when you miss the cut by only a few inches.

 

Burning Calories Associated With More Gray Matter for Elderly:  According to a recent U.S. study, older people who expend more energy on physical activity each week tend to have more gray matter in their brains than their less active peers.  But the study also found that while sedentary elderly folks may not have had as much gray matter as those who exercised, they did seem to have every bit as much gray hair.

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The post Bill Nye Sues Disney Over $9M Underpayment appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Facebook to Add 3,000 Moderators in Wake of Murders

Facebook to Add 3,000 Moderators in Wake of Murders:  Following outrage over recent broadcasts of murders, shootings, rapes and assaults – streamed live on Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg announced that the social network will add 3000 additional people to monitor the situation more closely.  Excuse my skepticism, but this just sounds like the murders and assaults are now have 3000 more viewers.

 

Epilepsy Drug Helps Addicts Kick Cocaine Habit:  A new study reports that an epilepsy drug is helping addicts kick the cocaine habit.  Wow, this sounds like a new take on “kicking the habit.”

 

Bieber Ringtone Saves Russian Fisherman From Bear Attack:  A 42-year-old Russian fisherman says he was attacked from behind by a brown bear and that the only thing that saved him was his ringtone of Justin Bieber’s hit song “Baby” suddenly went off, startling the bear and causing it to run away.  There you have it, conclusive proof the Bieber’s music is simply “unbearable.”

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The post Facebook to Add 3,000 Moderators in Wake of Murders appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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Woman’s Headache Caused By Live Cockroach in Her Skull

Woman’s Headache Caused By Live Cockroach in Her Skull:  A 42-year-old woman in Chennai, India woke up one night with labored breathing, itching and a severe headache and checked into the Ear, Nose, Throat Department at Stanley Medical College only to discover that a 1-inch long cockroach had penetrated her skull.  Realizing the seriousness of the situation, doctors put their medical training right to work and pasted a “Roach Motel” to her forehead.

 

Ford Bets $1 Billion on Self-Driving Car:  Ford is betting $1 billion on the world’s self-driving car future through a majority investment in a small start-up company called Argo AI as it tries to win the high-stakes talent war in the emerging self-driving car industry.  Makes sense!  Hell, when no one wants to buy your cars, you may as well focus on self-driving cars.

 

Ikea Under Fire for Treatment of Workers:  Workers at Ikea’s US plant are criticizing the company for racial bias, an anti-union stance, forced overtime and paying extremely low wages.  Gee, sounds like Ikea is even cheaper than the furniture they sell.

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The post Woman’s Headache Caused By Live Cockroach in Her Skull appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

World’s Oldest Fossils Found in Greenland

Greenland FossilsWorld’s Oldest Fossils Found in Greenland:  Geologists in Greenland have discovered what they believe are the oldest physical evidence for life on Earth in rocks that formed 3.7 billion years ago.  So if I understand this correctly, the next time some smart-ass native Californian asks me where I’m from originally, I should tell them Greenland?

 

Dirty Old MenNew Data Shows Sperm Quality Suffers After Age 35:  According to researchers at Reproductive Technology Laboratories in Los Angeles who analyzed sperm from men between the ages of 16 and 72, sperm quality significantly begins to decrease after 35, making it significantly more difficult to conceive.  So if you’re a beautiful young women concerned about birth control and unwanted pregnancy, my advice is to only having sex with dirty old men.

 

Sexy TeacherCalifornia Teacher Accused of Having Sex With Student:  A 32-year-old woman who is being described as an “exemplary teacher” has pleaded not guilty to charges that she had a sexual relationship with a male student at the school where she was teaching.  Hell, the situation is becoming so prevalent that young guys are thinking why bother paying for a hooker, just sign-up for a class.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Wisconsin Policeman Had Sex on the Job 98 Times

Cop ResignsWisconsin Policeman Had Sex on the Job 98 Times: A Wisconsin police officer has resigned following an internal investigation that showed he had sex 98 times while on duty, a violation of numerous department polices and procedures. Wow, if you get pulled over by this guy, you know you’re screwed. I guess its not too surprising though considering the sign on the side of their police cars says “to protect and service.” Being a huge law enforcement advocate, Gov Scott Walker initially wasn’t sure what position to take on this, but eventually decided on the missionary position.

 

Fat SoldierSome Soldiers Turning to Lipo to Pass Military Fat Test:  According to the AP, some members of the military are turning to liposuction as a quick fix to pass the military’s “fat test,” which can affect promotions and career prospects for years to come.  Well, guess that’s one way to reduce the size of the military.

 

Honey BeeMystery Illness Wiping Out Honey Bees:  Researchers report  that a mysterious malady which kills honeybees, has drastically expanded this year, wiping out as much as 40 to 50 percent of the hives needed to pollinate America’s fruits and vegetables.  The situation has become so critical, scientists have begun asking hairstylists to consider bringing back beehive hairdos, just to take up some of the slack.

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The post Wisconsin Policeman Had Sex on the Job 98 Times appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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Bread Truck and Deli Meat Truck Collide in New Jersey

Trucks CollideBread Truck and Deli Meat Truck Collide in New Jersey:  A truck hauling hundreds of packets of deli meat has collided with a tractor-trailer carrying bread on a New Jersey highway in the early morning hours.

 

When I first saw this story, I thought “what a bunch of baloney,” but then I saw video of helicopters dousing the area with ketchup and mustard and realized it must be true.  Who said there’s no free lunch?  Police were working hard to see if anyone was sandwiched between the two trucks, but then they broke for lunch.

 

Paramedics say the injured will most likely be airlifted to the Mayo clinic. Traffic was snarled so badly, it may be difficult for commuters to ever ketchup.  Seemed like everything was in a pickle.  I wouldn’t relish driving in traffic like that.

 

When asked to honestly access the situation, authorities said “lettuce just say this is a very serious accident.”  Not pretty picture, no matter how you slice it.  This where the rubber meats the road.

 

Anyway, I’d better stop here before I completely butcher this joke, otherwise, this could very well end up being the wurst joke I’ve ever written.

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The post Bread Truck and Deli Meat Truck Collide in New Jersey appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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