Friday , 23 February 2018
News Alert!
  • Welcome to our new mobile friendly theme!
  • Try clicking on a comedian's picture in their joke or video!
  • Check out our awesome sharing options!
  • Click on the topic picture in a joke or video for more on that topic
  • Youtube import is working again!
Home > Jokes >

Washington Post

How Recent: All Time
Staff Picks
My Comics
Show Everyting

Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce

Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce:  Anthony Scaramucci’s wife of three years is reportedly fed up with his ruthless quest to get close to President Trump – whom she reportedly despises – and has filed for divorce from the new White House communications director.  Rumor has it her attorneys are asking that the country be included in the divorce settlement.  Anyway, it might be a good idea for someone to let Ann Coulter know the Mooch is available.  Of course, if everything else fails, his boss can always set him up with a couple of hot Russian hookers.

 

New Drug Approved for Curved Penis Condition:  Men with a condition that causes a curvature of the penis now have a drug treatment option that has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration.  I once knew a guy who had this condition – and, not to anyone’s surprise, the car he drove was a Bentley.

 

Trump Once Summoned Priebus and Ordered Him to Kill a Fly:  The Washington Post is reporting that President Trump once summoned Chief of Staff Reince Priebus to his office and ordered him to kill a fly that was buzzing around the room.  Those present say the situation turned into conflict when Reince immediately started swatting Kellyanne with a flyswatter.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Washington Post Dinosaur Comment Angers Creationist Ken Ham

Washington Post Dinosaur Comment Angers Creationist Ken Ham:  Creationist Ken Ham is reportedly very upset and telling the Washington Post to “get it right,” after they incorrectly reported that Ham believes the dinosaurs were wiped out by the flood when he actually believes that Noah brought all the dinosaurs on board the Ark with him.  Well of course the dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time.  Hell, there’s even a wonderful documentary on the subject titled “The Flintstones.”  Personally, I think I’ll wait to hear what Donald Trump has to say on the subject as he always seems to have “the very best” ideas about everything.  Besides, I think former Australian Ken Ham is a classic example of how the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) can go awry.

 

Trump Questions the Need for Cybersecurity:  In recent remarks, President-elect Donald Trump has been questioning the need for cybersecurity and claiming that no computer is completely safe – alarming experts who say his comments could put both government and private data at risk.  Why all this cybersecurity talk is nothing but silly nonsense.  If you listen to those guys long enough, you could could get the impression the Russians hacked into our computers or something.  Now how about playing some music for me on my 8-track.

 

Vandals Change Iconic Hollywood Sign to Hollyweed:  The iconic “Hollywood” sign got a New Year’s Day makeover from an unknown vandal who used a black tarp to transform the letters into a message celebrating marijuana by making the sign read “Hollyweed.”  Police have arrested a man who claims he was just too drunk to remember.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Washington Post Dinosaur Comment Angers Creationist Ken Ham appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
Laugh Blast!
jokes and videos in your inbox

Site Tip!

Did you know that comedians love it when you spread their jokes around? Check out our nifty share options () that help you help them at the bottom of each post.

O’Reilly and Fox Paid Out $13 million in Harassment Claims

O’Reilly and Fox Paid Out $13 Million in Harassment Claims:  According to the New York Times, Fox News star Bill O’Reilly and the Fox News network paid out some $13 million to five women over the past 15 years to settle a series of harassment allegations against the opinionated host that included dirty phone calls, unwanted kisses and hotel room invites.  Wow, that’s almost enough to make your head spin – right out of the “No Spin Zone.”  Let’s hope his next book isn’t titled “Killing Witnesses.”  Hell, between Roger Ailes and now O’Reilly, Fox may as well just bring in Bill Cosby to round out the line up.

 

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson Doesn’t Allow Eye Contact:  The Washington Post is reporting that some career diplomats and underlings working under Secretary of State Rex Tillerson have been instructed not to speak to him directly or even make eye contact.  And while some have criticized him for that policy, people need to understand that if you just had one eye located in the center of your forehead, you probably wouldn’t want people looking at you either.

 

Company Develops Lab-Grown Chicken Meat:  Health and safety issues have plagued the conventional meat industry for ages, and now a Silicon Valley-based food tech company claims it has successfully developed the world’s first ever “clean” chicken and duck meat through what it calls “cellular agriculture.”  Good grief, what the cluck will they think of next?  Now, the big question is – will a cellular chicken sell?  And instead of dinner jackets, would we now come to dinner parties in lab coats?

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post O’Reilly and Fox Paid Out $13 million in Harassment Claims appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Trumps Wanted Guggenheim to Loan the White House a Van Gogh

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Gold-toilet.jpg 409w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Trumps Wanted Guggenheim to Loan the White House a Van Gogh:  The Washington Post is reporting that President Trump and First Lady Melania asked the Guggenheim Museum to loan them a Van Gogh painting for the White House residence, but the Guggenheim declined – offering them a solid gold toilet called “America” instead.

 

Holly crap Guggenheim – that’s simply genius!  Talk about art imitating life!  I mean, what could be a more perfect accessory for our Tweeter-in-Chief than a solid gold crapper?  I can see it all now – the President, regally descending down from the Master Bedroom in the early morning hours unto his “golden throne” – his trusty iPhone in hand – preparing to spew out his wondrous, lyrical covfefe of philosophical wisdom to all his loyal followers.  The sheer beauty of it leaves me at a complete loss for words – which frankly makes me wonder if I should consider adding a bit more fiber to my diet.

 

Anyway, now that Mr Trump has himself a shiny new golden toilet, could a golden shower be far behind?  That said – if I were him, I’d think about keeping those tweets to a minimum, because sitting on all that gold for long periods of time, could leave a green ring around that big ass of his.  And if you think Melania found him repulsive before, just wait till she lays eyes on that!

 

But back to my original point, I really have to hand it to the Guggenheim.  They appear to have taken trolling the Trumps to a whole new level with this gem.  All the same, its really kind of a shame that its all directed towards someone who’s not quite sharp enough to understand all the wonderful layers involved in this most beautiful of insults.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Trumps Wanted Guggenheim to Loan the White House a Van Gogh appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Site Tip!

Did you know that we have thousands of comedy topics? You can click on the large topic image in a joke or video for more hilarity on that subject or use the search to find what you are looking for.

Trump Repeats Indian Prime Minister Comments With Fake Accent

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Modi-and-Trump.jpg 621w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Trump Repeats Indian Prime Minister Comments With Fake Accent:  The Washington Post reports that President Donald Trump used a fake accent to impersonate Indian Prime Minister Modi’s comments to him.  Yea, well – if you think that impersonation was bad, you should check out Trump’s impersonation of a US president.  The irony is that Modi’s grasp of the English language is probably much better than Trump’s will ever be.

 

Vitamins Claim to be 100% Vegetarian Capsules: Just reading the label on some vitamins I recently bought and noticed that they claim the package contains 180 “vegetarian” capsules. OK, I’ll take them at their word for that – but my question is, just who the hell’s gonna try and stick meat in a vitamin?

 

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Fridays-768x523.png 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Fridays-1024x698.png 1024w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Fridays.png 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Pay for TGI Friday’s Dinner With Smartphone App:  TGI Friday’s announced that customers can now pay their checks by using a downloadable app on their iPhone or Android smartphones.  Call me old-fashioned, but I still prefer to pay for bad food with a bad check.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Trump Repeats Indian Prime Minister Comments With Fake Accent appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Arnold Leaving Celebrity Apprentice

Arnold Leaving Celebrity Apprentice:  Arnold Schwarzenegger has issued a statement stating he is leaving NBC’s Celebrity Apprentice, suggesting the show has too much baggage because Donald Trump is still involved with the show.  Gee, I wonder if that means he’ll will be leaving the US too?  Word has it Trump is now deeply involved with that too.

 

Trump Budget Asks for Deep Cuts to Climate Science:  According to the Washington Post, the White House is seeking deep cuts to National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s budget (NOAA), a leading climate science agency.  When questioned about the cuts, President Trump told reporters “From now on, I’ll be the one who decides whether to study the weather.  We don’t need a bunch of ”NOAA-it-alls telling us what to do.”

 

Parts of London Evacuated as Huge WW II Bomb Found:  Two schools and residents in a North West London suburb have been evacuated as army bomb disposal teams attempt to disarm a 500-lb. World War II bomb found at a building site.  Hell, just go ahead and detonate it and you’ve got the hole for your underground parking structure already dug for you.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

The post Arnold Leaving Celebrity Apprentice appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

Read More
Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Today's Featured Hot Topics

Most Popular