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White House Claims Miscommunication on Aircraft Carrier’s Location

White House Claims Miscommunication on Aircraft Carrier’s Location:  A senior Administration official says a miscommunication with the Pentagon and the Trump Defense Department was responsible for President Trump falsely claiming on Fox News that he was sending “a very powerful naval armada” to the Korean Peninsula, when those ships were actually on their way to military exercises out in the Indian Ocean, some 3,500 miles in the opposite direction.

 

Interesting military strategy, provoking a hostile country with forces that are actually somewhere else!  Talk about a tactical genius!  I mean, so what if we lost track of an aircraft carrier and four warships for a while, or that the entire Defense Department along with the Secretary of Defense “Mad Dog” Mattis had no frigg’n clue as to where our ships were.  What’s the big deal?

 

Instead of thinking negative things like “what could possibly go wrong?” – we should be thinking positive and asking “what could possibly go right?”  Think of it this way, if we have no idea what the hell we’re doing, how is the enemy supposed to figure it out?  I mean, hell – sometimes when I am playing video games like Civilization 6, I lose my aircraft carriers too – it happens.  Besides, what does any of this have to do with Benghazi or the Susan Rice unmasking scandal?

 

And to be completely fair, Trump only recently learned that the world is round.  He probably just assumed we could quickly have those vessels circle the globe and end up right back in the Korean Peninsula in no time at all.  Also, we did have Vice President Mike Pence in South Korea at the time, staring down the North Koreans from just over the border.  That is, until the North Koreans paraded out a bunch North Korean women – forcing Pence to have to leave immediately because his wife was back in the US.

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The post White House Claims Miscommunication on Aircraft Carrier’s Location appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California
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Navy SEAL Under Fire For Moonlighting As Porn Actor

Navy SEAL Under Fire For Moonlighting As Porn Actor:  A decorated Navy SEAL is under investigation after it was disclosed that the soldier had been moonlighting as porn actor Jay Voom, but his porn-star wife Jewels Jade claims he was only trying to help her career after they had experienced financial difficulty.  Well, first of all, I’d like to tell them “thanks for your cervix.”  Apparently all his missions weren’t impossible.  So they had some financial difficulty?  Sounds more to me like he had fallen on “hard times.”  I mean, the poor guy transitioned from a career in the service to a career of being serviced.  Sounds like a natural progression.  Personally, I don’t get why its such a big deal – unless they suspect he may have had a “dishonorable discharge” somewhere along the way.

 

Yoga Becomes Commercialized with Seemingly Endless Variations:  The latest trends in yoga range from doing yoga naked, yoga with goats, hot yoga and smoking pot with yoga as the discipline evolves from a spiritual practice to more of a global, commercialized endeavor.  Yea, its a nasty tale of cultural appropriation gone bad.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have the munchies – namaste!

 

Trump Family Holds Private Easter Egg Hunt at Mar-a-Lago:  President Donald Trump celebrated his first Easter as president at his Mar-a-Lago resort and, rather than attend the traditional Easter egg hunt held for the children at the White House, had a private egg hunt with just the Trump families and their children in attendance.  Well, I guess that pretty much leaves all those common folks who voted for him – with egg on their face.  On a positive note, with all the health citations his Mar-a-Lago kitchen has been getting lately, it probably saved a lot of kids from getting food poisoning.

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The post Navy SEAL Under Fire For Moonlighting As Porn Actor appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

Cosmopolitan Now Pushing Cancer as a Diet Plan

Cosmopolitan Now Pushing Cancer as a Diet Plan:  Cosmopolitan magazine is infamous for their  click-bait headlines about women’s dieting tips, and in one of its signature pieces, they published a profile of a 31-year-old Australian woman who Cosmo claimed “lost 44 pounds without ANY exercise” – only, as it turns out – the reason she lost the weight was that she had cancer.  Hell, they may as well have added that if you go on this diet plan, it could be the last diet you’ll ever need.

 

Having Gray Hair Increases Men’s Risk of Heart Disease:  According to new research presented at European Society of Cardiology, men with grey hair face a significantly bigger risk of heart disease.  The study seemed pretty straightforward, but there were some gray areas.  In related news, sales of “Just for Men” has increased 70% since the study came out.

 

Sean Spicer Apologizes for Hitler – al-Assad Comparison:  White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer apologized after making his most astonishing blunder yet – favorably comparing Adolf Hitler with Bashar al-Assad at a White House briefing, claiming Adolf Hitler never used chemical weapons against civilians.  Wow, that Sean Spicer is really a gas!  I say the obvious solution is to fire Spicer immediately and replace him with Melissa McCarthy.

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The post Cosmopolitan Now Pushing Cancer as a Diet Plan appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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