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Pence Strongly Denies Shadow 2020 Presidential Bid

Pence Strongly Denies Shadow 2020 Presidential Bid:  Vice President Mike Pence is calling a New York Times report that says he’s quietly laying the groundwork for a possible presidential run in 2020 “laughable and absurd.”  Guess that may explain why Trump’s been feeling a bit “pensive” lately.  But come on, this story is just plain nonsense.  Everyone knows Pence will be President by 2018.  Fun Fact – Pence will become our first President since the 19th century who actually believes that it’s the storks who deliver babies.

 

Large-Toothed Fish Found in Nevada Chomped Prey Like Sharks:  A fossil found in northeastern Nevada shows a newly discovered fish species that scientists believe both looked and ate like a shark.  In other words, its table manners left plenty to be desired.

 

Trump Spokesperson Wants No Non-English Speakers:  Former Trump campaign spokesperson Katrina Pierson lashed out at CNN correspondent Jim Acosta who questioned White House policy that aims to prohibit non-English speaking legal immigrants, saying that she finds it “unfortunate that Jim Acosta would want non-English speakers to come to this country.”  Well then, perhaps Republicans should focus on teaching Trump how to speak English – even though he has all the best words – they certainly aren’t English (bigly, covfefe, braggadocio, yuge).

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The post Pence Strongly Denies Shadow 2020 Presidential Bid appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

White House Admits Trump Weighed In on Son’s Misleading Statement

White House Admits Trump Weighed In on Son’s Misleading Statement:  White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders admitted that President Trump “weighed in” on the misleading statement issued by his son, but denied that the President dictated his son’s statement.  Hell, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that if you want Trump to own up to writing the statement, all you have to do is tell him it was “brilliantly written.”

 

NASA Hiring Planetary Protection Officer to Defend Earth from Aliens:  NASA is seeking to hire a full-time “planetary protection officer,” a job which pays $187,000 and will involve ensuring that humans in space do not contaminate planets and moons, as well as ensuring alien matter does not infect the Earth.  My question is, how would you measure job performance on a gig like that?  Anyway, I understand Randy Quaid is looking for a job.  Just hand him a lightsaber and set him loose.

 

Kanye West Sues Lloyd’s Over Canceled Tour Insurance:  Rapper Kanye West has filed a $10 million lawsuit against Lloyd’s of London, alleging that Lloyd’s is withholding paying out claims from the rapper’s canceled Saint Pablo tour which was abruptly ended after West began delivering bizarre rants about Jay-Z, Beyoncé and then-president-elect Donald Trump before finally checking into a UCLA psychiatric facility.  The way I look at it, Lloyd’s actually insured Kanye West?  Now you tell me who’s crazy.

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The post White House Admits Trump Weighed In on Son’s Misleading Statement appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce

Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce:  Anthony Scaramucci’s wife of three years is reportedly fed up with his ruthless quest to get close to President Trump – whom she reportedly despises – and has filed for divorce from the new White House communications director.  Rumor has it her attorneys are asking that the country be included in the divorce settlement.  Anyway, it might be a good idea for someone to let Ann Coulter know the Mooch is available.  Of course, if everything else fails, his boss can always set him up with a couple of hot Russian hookers.

 

New Drug Approved for Curved Penis Condition:  Men with a condition that causes a curvature of the penis now have a drug treatment option that has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration.  I once knew a guy who had this condition – and, not to anyone’s surprise, the car he drove was a Bentley.

 

Trump Once Summoned Priebus and Ordered Him to Kill a Fly:  The Washington Post is reporting that President Trump once summoned Chief of Staff Reince Priebus to his office and ordered him to kill a fly that was buzzing around the room.  Those present say the situation turned into conflict when Reince immediately started swatting Kellyanne with a flyswatter.

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The post Anthony Scaramucci’s Wife Files for Divorce appeared first on Rubbish In, Robish Out!.

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Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Guns Don't Kill, Postal Workers Do!
Malibu, California

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